Humour VII

This one's for Percy

Two peanuts walk into a bar..................................................................................................................one was a salted. Edited by Adminnemooseus, : Trim down the number of ".". Was causing over-width on my display.

Enjoy

I used to be addicted to the Hokey-Cokey...
But I turned it round,
And that's what its all about...

I don't have video, so I'll have to use my words:

1. One scientist offering another scientist a beaker labeled 'Atoms': "Take two. They're small."
   ​
2. Sign on the door of a physics lab: "Gone fission."

3. And scientists are lousy lovers. When they find the position they lose the motion. And when they find the motion they lose the position.

(sorry, this deserves a frickin Peanut Gallery)

I'm anti-climate change, too. I liked it a lot better the way it was before. --Percy

I've never watched someone turn into a creationist before my very eyes. This is so sad!Coyote, it's been nice knowing the sensible, intelligent, fact-based debater you once were.- Oni

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best
patients to operate on.The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants
on my operating table because when you open them up, everything
inside is numbered.'The second, from Chicago, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try
electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really think librarians
are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like
construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have
a few parts left over.'But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when
he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine..
Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.'EnjoyEdited by RAZD, : .

Three ladies were discussing, in a slightly roundabout way, the topic of abortion. The Catholic lady insisted that life begins at conception. The Anglican lady suggested that life really begins at birth. They argued back and forth for a while until they noticed that the Jewish lady wasn't saying anything. They both turned to her and asked, "When do you think life begins?"The Jewish lady hesitated and then said, "Life begins when they graduate from medical school."

The version of that story that I previously heard, ends with the Jewish guy (maybe it was a Rabbi) saying:Life begins when the children leave home and the dog dies.