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Author Topic:   Humour VII
xongsmith
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Posts: 2603
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009


(4)
Message 366 of 1042 (670157)
08-09-2012 1:35 PM


From my facebook scavenging:
Edited by xongsmith, : https may not be public

- xongsmith, 5.7d

Replies to this message:
 Message 367 by New Cat's Eye, posted 08-09-2012 2:41 PM xongsmith has seen this message but not replied

xongsmith
Member
Posts: 2603
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009


(4)
Message 408 of 1042 (671886)
08-31-2012 3:48 AM
Reply to: Message 407 by Dogmafood
08-31-2012 12:55 AM


Re: bible on the floor

- xongsmith, 5.7d

This message is a reply to:
 Message 407 by Dogmafood, posted 08-31-2012 12:55 AM Dogmafood has seen this message but not replied

xongsmith
Member
Posts: 2603
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009


Message 463 of 1042 (675087)
10-05-2012 4:08 PM
Reply to: Message 461 by Dogmafood
10-04-2012 6:51 PM


Re: Nasty Weather
I thought this a humour thread....number VII in fact.
This was furthest from funny for me.
I didn't get the joke. Can someone enlighten me?

- xongsmith, 5.7d

This message is a reply to:
 Message 461 by Dogmafood, posted 10-04-2012 6:51 PM Dogmafood has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 464 by Dogmafood, posted 10-05-2012 4:48 PM xongsmith has seen this message but not replied

xongsmith
Member
Posts: 2603
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009


(1)
Message 639 of 1042 (689436)
01-30-2013 6:07 PM
Reply to: Message 638 by bluegenes
01-30-2013 4:28 PM


Go back - we fucked it all up!

- xongsmith, 5.7d

This message is a reply to:
 Message 638 by bluegenes, posted 01-30-2013 4:28 PM bluegenes has not replied

xongsmith
Member
Posts: 2603
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009


Message 727 of 1042 (690768)
02-16-2013 1:49 AM
Reply to: Message 726 by Dr Adequate
02-16-2013 1:23 AM


Re: The uses of religion
Dr. A asks:
Is that actually true?
Indeed, it really doesn't matter......

- xongsmith, 5.7d

This message is a reply to:
 Message 726 by Dr Adequate, posted 02-16-2013 1:23 AM Dr Adequate has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 729 by Dr Adequate, posted 02-16-2013 2:21 AM xongsmith has seen this message but not replied

xongsmith
Member
Posts: 2603
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009


Message 728 of 1042 (690769)
02-16-2013 2:00 AM
Reply to: Message 721 by Omnivorous
02-15-2013 3:50 PM


Re: If Mommy is a Commie then you gotta turn her in!
Omnivorous kindles my old brain with:
One of my faves is The John Birch Society......
I still go with Dylan's Talkin' John Birch Society Blues:
Talkin' John Birch Paranoid Blues [Outtake]
/ Bob Dylan
(Bob Dylan)
Copyright 1970 Special Rider Music
Also known as: "Talking John Birch" (as first published in Broadside #1,
February 1962), "Talkin' John Birch Society Blues" (as on some very early
copies of "The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan"), "Talkin' John Birch Blues" (as
introduced 26 October 1963), "Talking John Birch Paranoid Blues".
CDROM attribution:
Copyright 1970, 1973
Special Rider Music
Source: "Freewheelin' Bob Dylan" outtake.
The real John Birch was a headstrong army Captain killed on a Chinese
hillside in 1945.
George Lincoln Rockwell was the leader of the American Nazi party.
Well, I was feelin' lowdown and blue,
I didn't know what in the world I wus gonna do,
Them Communists they were comin' around,
They wus in the air,
They were all over the ground.
They wouldn't gimme no peace...
Well I run down most hurriedly
And joined the John Birch Society,
I got me a secret membership card
And started walkin' off down the road.
Oh boy, I'm a real John Bircher now!
Look out you Commies!
Well, we all agree with Hitlers' views,
Although he killed six million Jews.
It don't matter too much if he was a Fascist,
At least you can't say he was a Communist!
That's to say like if you got a cold take a shot of malaria.
Well, I wus lookin' everywhere for them Reds.
I got up in the mornin' I looked under my bed,
Looked in the stove, behind the door,
Looked in the glove compartment of my car.
Couldn't find 'em...
Well, I looked underneath everything, behind the chair
Lookin' for them reds everywhere.
I even looked up my chimney hole,
I even looked down deep inside my toilet bowl.
They got away...
Well, I wus home alone I started to sweat,
I figured they wus inside my T.V. set.
Peeked behind the picture frame,
Got a shock from my feet right up to my brain.
Them Reds caused it!
I know they did...them hard-core ones.
Well, I quit my job so I could work all alone,
Then I changed my name to Sherlock Holmes.
Followed some clues from my detective bag
I discovered they wus red stripes on the American flag!
Ol' Betty Ross...
I investigated all the books in the library,
Ninety percent of those gotta be thrown away.
I investigated all the people that I knowed,
Ninety-eight percent of them've gotta go.
The other two percent are fellow Birchers...just like me.
Now Eisenhower, he's a Russian spy,
Roosevelt, Lincoln and that Jefferson guy.
To my knowledge there's just one man
That's really a true American: George Lincoln Rockwell.
I know for a fact he hates Commies cus he picketed the movie Exodus.
Well, I fin'ly started thinkin' straight
When I run outa things to investigate.
Couldn't imagine anything else,
So now you'll find me at home investigatin' myself!
Hope I don't find out nothin'...good God!
Talkin' John Birch Paranoid Blues [The Bootleg Series]
/ Bob Dylan
(Bob Dylan)
Copyright 1970 Special Rider Music
Also known as: "Talking John Birch" (as first published in Broadside #1,
February 1962), "Talkin' John Birch Society Blues" (as on some very early
copies of "The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan"), "Talkin' John Birch Blues" (as
introduced 26 October 1963), "Talking John Birch Paranoid Blues".
CDROM attribution:
Copyright 1970, 1973
Special Rider Music
Source: 26 October 1963, Carnegie Hall, New York City, New York
Released on "The Bootleg Series, Volumes 1-3 [Rare And Unreleased]", 26
March 1991
The real John Birch was a headstrong army Captain killed on a Chinese
hillside in 1945.
George Lincoln Rockwell was the leader of the American Nazi party.
Dylan: "This is called Talkin' John Birch Blues". And there ain't nothin'
wrong with this song."
Well, I was feelin' sad and kind of blue,
I didn't know what I wus a-gonna do.
The Communists wus a-comin' around,
They wus in the air,
They wus on the ground.
They wus all over ...
So I run down most hurriedly
And joined the John Birch Society.
Got me a secret membership card
And went back home to the yard
Started lookin' on the side-walk
Under the hedges ...
Well, I got up in the mornin' 'n' looked under my bed,
I wus lookin' every place for them gol-darned Reds.
Looked behind the sink and under the floor
Looked in the glove compartment of my car.
Couldn't find any ...
Looked behind the clothes, behind the chair
Lookin' for them Reds everywhere,
Looked up my chimney hole,
Even deep down inside my toilet bowl.
They got away ...
I heard some footsteps by the front porch door
So I grabbed my shot gun from the floor
Snuck around the house with a huff and a hiss
Sayin' "Hands up, you Communist!"
It was the mailman.
He punched me out ...
Well, I wus sittin' home alone an' I started to sweat,
I figured they wus in my TV set.
I peeked behind the picture frame,
Got a shock from my feet, that hit my brain.
Them Reds did it! ... Hootenanny television!
Well, I quit my job so I could work alone,
Got a magnifying glass like Sherlock Holmes.
Followed some clues from my detective bag
I discovered red stripes on the American Flag!
Betsy Ross ...
Now, Eisenhower he's a Russian spy,
Lincoln and Jefferson and that Roosevelt guy.
To my knowledge there's just one man
That's really an' truly an American: that's George Lincoln Rockwell.
I know for a fact he hates Commies cus he picketed the movie Exodus.
Well, I fin'ly started thinkin' straight
When I run outa things to investigate.
I couldn't imagine nothin' else,
So now I'm home investigatin' myself!
Hope I don't find out too much ... good God!
Talkin' John Birch Paranoid Blues [Lyrics 1962-1985]
/ Bob Dylan
(Bob Dylan)
Copyright 1970 Special Rider Music
Also known as: "Talking John Birch" (as first published in Broadside #1,
February 1962), "Talkin' John Birch Society Blues" (as on some very early
copies of "The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan"), "Talkin' John Birch Blues" (as
introduced 26 October 1963), "Talking John Birch Paranoid Blues".
CDROM attribution:
Copyright 1970, 1973
Special Rider Music
Source: "Lyrics 1962-1985"; "Highway 61 Interactive" CDROM, 1995 (contains
two minor word differences as compared to "Lyrics..").
The real John Birch was a headstrong army Captain killed on a Chinese
hillside in 1945.
George Lincoln Rockwell was the leader of the American Nazi party.
Well, I was feelin' sad and feelin' blue,
I didn't know what in the world I wus gonna do,
Them Communists they wus comin' around,
They wus in the air,
They wus on the ground.
They wouldn't gimme no peace...
So I run down most hurriedly
And joined up with the John Birch Society,
I got me a secret membership card
And started off a-walkin' down the road.
Yee-hoo, I'm a real John Bircher now!
Look out you Commies!
Now we all agree with Hitlers' views,
Although he killed six million Jews.
It don't matter too much that he was a Fascist,
At least you can't say he was a Communist!
That's to say like if you got a cold you take a shot of malaria.
Well, I wus lookin' everywhere for them gol-darned Reds.
I got up in the mornin' 'n' looked under my bed,
Looked in the sink, behind the door,
Looked in the glove compartment of my car.
Couldn't find 'em...
I wus lookin' high an' low for them Reds everywhere,
I wus lookin' in the sink an' underneath the chair.
I looked way up my chimney hole,
I even looked deep down inside my toilet bowl.
They got away...
Well, I wus sittin' home alone an' started to sweat,
Figured they wus in my T.V. set.
Peeked behind the picture frame,
Got a shock from my feet, hittin' right up in the brain.
Them Reds caused it!
I know they did...them hard-core ones.
Well, I quit my job so I could work alone,
Then I changed my name to Sherlock Holmes.
Followed some clues from my detective bag
And discovered they wus red stripes on the American flag!
That ol' Betty Ross...
Well, I investigated all the books in the library,
Ninety percent of 'em gotta be burned away.
I investigated all the people that I knowed,
Ninety-eight percent of them gotta go.
The other two percent are fellow Birchers...just like me.
Now Eisenhower, he's a Russian spy,
Lincoln, Jefferson and that Roosevelt guy.
To my knowledge there's just one man
That's really a true American: George Lincoln Rockwell.
I know for a fact he hates Commies cus he picketed the movie Exodus.
Well, I fin'ly started thinkin' straight
When I run outa things to investigate.
Couldn't imagine doin' anything else,
So now I'm sittin' home investigatin' myself!
Hope I don't find out anything...hmm, great God!

- xongsmith, 5.7d

This message is a reply to:
 Message 721 by Omnivorous, posted 02-15-2013 3:50 PM Omnivorous has not replied

xongsmith
Member
Posts: 2603
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009


Message 741 of 1042 (690956)
02-18-2013 12:08 PM
Reply to: Message 740 by NoNukes
02-18-2013 11:30 AM


Re: Makers Mark makers make backtracks
NoNukes observes:
A cynic might note that the overall effect seems like great publicity. Instead of complaining about shortages, people are going to celebrate the rarity of this brand.
Indeed - what a great marketing strategy! Similar to Classic Coke.
Kudos to the one who came up with this...this...ah, damn. I hate advertising.

- xongsmith, 5.7d

This message is a reply to:
 Message 740 by NoNukes, posted 02-18-2013 11:30 AM NoNukes has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 743 by NoNukes, posted 02-18-2013 3:41 PM xongsmith has not replied

xongsmith
Member
Posts: 2603
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009


(2)
Message 753 of 1042 (691055)
02-19-2013 6:47 PM
Reply to: Message 750 by rueh
02-19-2013 2:16 PM


Re: Re:Makers Mark to be watered down?
rueh wisely advises:
I would recommend a Makers Mark double with a Makers Mark back and a Makers Mark chaser with a twist of lime.
The only thing I might add this excellent plan is to order them all "neat". Meaning no ice, no water, no nothin'. In a rocks glass, yes, but no rocks.
Furthermore, since this may be an expensive endeavor, you should note that while your drink awaits the conclusion of your careful tasting of your last sip, cover it with a clean beer circle from the bar. You don't want all that carefully distilled alcohol evaporating into thin air, like so many quarters flapping their wings away from you. Then when you finished savoring your last sip, crack the circle just a tad and snort into your nose the accumulated vapors before taking your next sip.

- xongsmith, 5.7d

This message is a reply to:
 Message 750 by rueh, posted 02-19-2013 2:16 PM rueh has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 754 by Shield, posted 02-19-2013 7:53 PM xongsmith has seen this message but not replied
 Message 757 by rueh, posted 02-20-2013 9:14 AM xongsmith has seen this message but not replied

xongsmith
Member
Posts: 2603
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009


(1)
Message 889 of 1042 (706782)
09-17-2013 4:18 PM


Well...I had fun watching this:
A debate between an atheist and a Christian has quite a surprising result. - Upworthy
Both guys were funny.

- xongsmith, 5.7d

xongsmith
Member
Posts: 2603
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009


(1)
Message 899 of 1042 (707551)
09-28-2013 12:21 PM
Reply to: Message 898 by onifre
09-27-2013 1:46 PM


Humour posts neck & neck
Whew! Oni sneaks back ahead of Frako 75 to 74. rbp & Dr. A seemingly out of it, despite a spirited effort.
What kind of humour thread would it be if our resident standup wasn't winning?

- xongsmith, 5.7d

This message is a reply to:
 Message 898 by onifre, posted 09-27-2013 1:46 PM onifre has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 900 by ringo, posted 09-28-2013 12:33 PM xongsmith has not replied

xongsmith
Member
Posts: 2603
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009


Message 966 of 1042 (709458)
10-26-2013 4:11 PM


new caption contest
Voice over: "Good Morning! Here are your assignments today..."
Thought bubble "Oh no...do I have to play the Fox again?"

- xongsmith, 5.7d

Replies to this message:
 Message 967 by Dr Adequate, posted 10-26-2013 7:47 PM xongsmith has seen this message but not replied
 Message 968 by frako, posted 10-26-2013 8:04 PM xongsmith has seen this message but not replied
 Message 969 by AZPaul3, posted 10-26-2013 10:18 PM xongsmith has seen this message but not replied
 Message 970 by Granny Magda, posted 10-27-2013 7:01 AM xongsmith has seen this message but not replied
 Message 971 by Omnivorous, posted 10-27-2013 9:14 AM xongsmith has seen this message but not replied
 Message 972 by ringo, posted 10-27-2013 2:57 PM xongsmith has seen this message but not replied
 Message 974 by CosmicChimp, posted 10-28-2013 9:39 PM xongsmith has not replied

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