I want to be convinced - an experiment

I don't know whether one makes one's own decision about this sort of thing. I really resisted giving up Christianity and becoming an atheist. I mean, I really fought against it, and did everything I could think of to "convince" myself to continue believing. I certainly never made a willful decision.

I guess it depends on what you call "choice".There were several options open to me: To continue believing in God and in Christianity; to believe that there is no God, and that the Bible is a book of fables; or to just admit that I don't know what to believe.I did "choose" to disbelieve. I'm just saying that my "choice" wasn't due to my "free will" - few people have all that much control over what they believe.

Of course, I have a great respect for the Gospels, especially the sermon on the mount as related in Matthew. Some things are true, whether or not the original utterer was truly a prophet.Deep down inside, I still find the story of Jesus' sacrifice and resurrection to be powerful metaphors for some of the things I believe in. For instance, I still believe that anyone, no matter how "evil" and depraved, can experience a profound transformation and discover herself as a person - to be "born again" as it were. Again, truth doesn't necessarily depend on historical accuracy.