I tried to think through everything I knew and was and did. I tried to keep some degree of peace because I knew I was in danger of having mental health problems.
Did you at any point talk about this with a mental health professional?
I ask, because these are the experiences you describe:
1. being bestowed with a special message of cosmic importance that you have difficulty explaining logically;
2. feeling that multiple personalities within you are battling for control;
3. grandiose ambitions (you say you are a 'housewife' and mention no political experience, but you have decided to run for President of the United States);
4. belief that you are surrounded by hostile others determined to persecute or kill you;
5. fear for your mental health;
6. perception of kinship with self-destructive delusional groups like Heaven's Gate;
7. fear that your thoughts may lead you to be self-destructive.
Any one of these items, taken singly, is something to investigate with a mental health professional. In combination it becomes a case of run, don't walk.
You describe a situation that is personally overwhelming. You cannot possibly handle it alone. People with these problems do not just sit down on their own and organize their thoughts.
See for yourself. The messages you consistently get from others--that your statements are incoherent, that they can't understand your ideas, that your explanations make no sense--are red flags.
You need to be discussing these experiences with a qualified professional, not with us. Are you doing so? If not, it's time. Now.
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Edited by Archer Opterix, : html.
Edited by Archer Opterix, : html.
Edited by Archer Opterix, : typo.
Edited by Archer Opterix, : brev.