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Shraf, I hate to break this to you, but there aren't that many people like you in middle school, high school, or college.
Sure there are, you just don't happen to know people like that. Pretty much all of my friends in college were exactly like me in this regard.
...of course, you might have known every single person in your high school and college, but I doubt it.
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Being gay have given me an interesting view on the typical high school girl. You see, for some darn reason girls tend to tell me everything about themselves as soon as they find out that I'm gay. I can confidently say that most of them can't tell the difference between arrogance and confidence.
Do you know every single girl in your high school well enough so that they tell you everything?
Perhaps you are confusing "confidence" with "arrogance".
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I think we are miscommunicating here. I am talking about girls when they are in middle school, high school, and sometimes college. You are talking experienced, matured girls.
Or just smart girls with some self-respect and confidence.
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Inexperienced usually can't tell the difference between confidence and arrogance.
Naw, that's not true. Sometimes it is, but mostly not. At least with smart girls. Arragance is swaggering disregard for other people. Confidence is kind consideration of other people and not caring if your buddies think you are a dork.
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That is why I referred to them as the same thing.
The smart girls know the difference from the very begining, trust me.
All my friends were just like me. There were plenty of us, not getting any attention from the boys until we got into college, because so few of them had enough confidence in middle and high school to be confident instead of arrogant.
I could always tell the difference, but maybe the women you have known aren't smart or experienced enough to have figured it out yet.
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It's not just the women I've known.
Oh? You're a mind reader now and know what the thoughts are of women you've never talked to?
...but behaving like an asshole when one is in the presence of people who are actually, genuinely confident, or people smart and perceptive enough to tell the difference sticks out like a sore thumb.
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Again, high school girls can't tell the difference.
The smart ones can, and there are more of us than you think.
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It's also hard for a guy in high school to gain enough confidence without being arrogant.
Why?
Believe me, I can tell an actually confident man from an insecure arrogant poseur in the first 10 minutes of talking to him.
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Yes, and I am very happy for you. However, we are not talking about you, are we? We are talking about high school age girls. Stop confusing yourself with them.
But I WAS one of them, and YOU were not, correct?
I had a bunch of friends who were just like me in high school.
Maybe you don't tend to make friends with the nerds and smart girls?
Being nice takes a long time to attract women? Perhaps you are confusing "being nice" with "being timid".
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Yes, being nice takes a long time to attract high school age
girls.
Huh, that's news to me, being a former high-school girl and freinds with lots of other girls in high school. We all liked boys who were nice. Not timid, but personable, kind, and polite.
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Since I am still in college, I can't say if this is true for adults.
Not for smart adults, and there are a few of those around.
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Don't get me wrong. I think that it is great for a guy to be nice in high school. However, if he has decided to take that route then he shouldn't expect much response from the girls. They like confident-looking guys.
So, let me get this straight.
In your mind, it is impossible for a boy to be both confident and nice to other people.
Interesting.
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Again, note that most can't tell the difference between confidence and arrogance at that age.
...and I would say that you are not accurate here. Plenty can.
Ah, but are the girls you "get" with that first method worth having?
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Of course not. I'm the wrong person you want to ask that question to
What I can tell you is that my shoulder is a very popular place for girls to put their faces on to cry.
Again, the girls who do not make the mistake in the first place, or never get that far because they aren't persued by the arrogant boys (and wouldn't want that type if they were), aren't crying on your shoulder.
Is is all just a game of "getting" as many as possible with no regard for friendship, meeting each other on an intellectual or emotional level?
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i think you are missing my point. My point is that you either get into the game or don't expect much.
Every single one of my friends in high school became very good friends with the boys who eventually became their steady boyfriend.
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Sure, sometimes you get lucky and find that girl that's mature enough to recognize what's best for her. However, such girl belong to a dying species.
No, you just don't seem to know any. There are plenty.
So why waste your time with the immature idiot girls? I didn't waste my time on the immature, idiot arrogant boys.
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Unfortunately, it's hard to tell the difference between the 2.
Not really. One of them treats other people with respect and kindness and has a independent sense of self and the other doesn't and is more concerned with himself and what his buddies think.
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I'm just trying to help the guy out by making him realize that he shouldn't expect much or there will be lots of disappointment. I'm willing to bet 2 bucks that being her best friend won't be enough.
Like I said, there is a difference between being nice and being timid. If he never gets up the courage to ask her out, then he is too timid and that is unattractive. Being kind and confident at the same time is very, very attractive. You know, like Mortenson's Aragorn in LOTR, and Gibson's William Wallace in Braveheart. Neither one of them were arrogant, but they were confident.
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He will hope and hope and hope. But essentially, he will realize that she just ain't interested in a gentleman.
She isn't interested in a
timid mouse who only hopes about her but never DOES anything about it. He doesn't have to be arrogant, just confident.
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Of course, I'm assuming that she is the typical high school girl. If she is not, more power to her.
You know, I'd like to know how many high school girls you actually know. How many nerd or ignored girls do you know?
Would have worked for me in high school.
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Sorry, but I don't think so. If you were "too mature," you would have realized that nothing serious could come out of it and wouldn't pay attention to it. Don't tell me you were never attracted to those popular guys.
No, not really. Only if they seemed kind to other people and didn't display arrogance. My biggest crushes were on nerdy, funny boys who were smart. I married one.
Plenty have, but they are the ones being ignored by the jocks, so none of the nerd boys (who take their cues on who to get crushes on from the jocks) think they are worth asking out.
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I do agree that plenty have. However, I have always suspected that they just pretended to be that way because they couldn't act like the popular ones.
So, do you only talk to the popular girls? Do you even know if the nerdy ignored girls give a rat's ass about the arrogant jocks?
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Yes, I have a very pessimistic view of high school.
Again, being gay have given me a unique perspective on this matter. As soon as they find out I'm gay, I automatically become their personal psychologist.
You sound like you are limiting your data to a very limited group and are wrongly extrapolating to other groups.
So, do you suggest that he hit her over the head with a club and drag her to a movie by the hair??
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Haha. That's one way of doing it.
Ewww.
If a boy is able to make such a connection with a girl that she consideres him her best friend, I think he has a great shot at a romantic involvement as long as he is truly self confident.
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Well, all I gotta say to him is "good luck".
Worked for my husband and many of his friends in high school and college.
Why waste your time with their techniques when the smart, mature girls see through them in a heartbeat?
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Depends on what you mean by "smart." Let just say that many of the top 10% girls in high school threw themselves at the jocks' feet very willingly and cried on my shoulders later on.
The smart girls aren't doing that.
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My original point was that he shouldn't expect much if he wanted to be a gentleman... like trying to connect with her by sharing the same interests and such.
Worked for my husband and most of his friends. Worked for me and most of my friends.
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But who knows. May be he'll get struck by extreme luck and this girl turns out to connect back.
Maybe, maybe not. He will not start the relationship off in a good way by behaving like an asshole, though. That much is for sure.
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