Who's the Class Clown?

Wow, great effort, Dan. I'll wait for a real response, if your heart's in it. But I won't hold my breath.

Hey, comic book guy here. Got that newspaper, gonna slack a little. Little tapped out on the humor these days. Can't keep it up all the time, folks. Reading, slacking. Slacking, reading. There’s two things you have to know about comedy, folks. Monkey shit and small print. Classic stuff. Ain’t I a wise guy?Grew up in Providence. Smoke a lot. Comic book guy. No verbs. Hmm. Red Sox starting pennant race against Oakland. Sports talk. Classic stuff, folks. Three things you gotta know about comedy. Baseball, midgets, and beer. Small print, knocks 'em dead. Real wise guy here.Don’t get a lot of Hambre jokes. Writes letters, girl named Sandy? Sarah? Let that one slide. Weird guy. I’m not gay, folks. Three things you gotta know about comedy. Gays, hobos, robots. Gotta earn that. I earned it. Beer guy. A little bored. Slacking, just slacking. Smokin’ guy.That Hambre. Too much effort, sentences, weird guy. Too much. Not funny. I’m funny. Not gay. I earned it. Still earning it. Hobos, cats, and hobos. Tapped out, not funny, but a real wise guy. Ain’t I a wise guy? Neurons sparking now. John Cusak, great actor. Not gay, folks. Huh? Cusack? Can’t read, folks. Keepin’ it real.

Don't miss these upcoming episodes, only on FOX!The standoff:Come on kid, you may just be a loser cartoonist but it's no reason to take hostages. Look. Plenty of guys like you. Right, never got laid and can't hold a job. Let the orphans go and we---hello? He hung up, Commissioner. What an asshole. I say fire away.The eulogy:Is this mike working? Can you hear me? Ahem. If Dan were here today, he'd want us to be crying and sniveling that he's gone. It's a good thing he can't hear us, 'cause he was basically a really selfish prick and he'd be pissed that we don't really miss him. I'm trying to remember something funny he might have said. Could you just bow your heads for a minute? Nah, I got nothin'.The afterlife:Hey, Dan the Man! Don't you recognize me? Adam Sandler! Let's talk forever!

Good gracious! Now you're even using numbers against me! Am I ever on the ropes! And sorry about the 'slacker' epithet, I had no idea you were so sensitive. Would you rather I call you a cunt bubble like all your other friends do?

Which words of yours were those: Uch, Ooh or Eh? I'm pretty good in a couple of languages, but you're definitely more fluent in Dumbfuck than I am.Save the incoherent pre-verbal growling for your next trip to the rest area anyway. The guy dressed up like Sasquatch has got dibs on your dance card.So how many more limp two-sentence posts are you going to sneeze out today? I've seen mosquitoes with more staying power. If you make this much effort in the sack, it's no wonder the missus keeps her Jack the Ripper dildo in the nightstand next to your spare colostomy bag.But hey, run at your own pace. I don't expect you to keep up.

Daniel Carroll
1060 W. Addison
Chicago, IL
USADear Sir:The Nobel Committee intends to honor you for your contribution to world culture, your dedication to improving the intellectual climate of civilization, and your concern for the artistic future of the human race. You get a shiny medal and some cash. You have to make a speech but you get fed.Not since Kingsley Amis's waning days have I read such a complex, intriguing display of an artist’s lack of imagination as I did when I read all your messages in the Class Clown thread. Your admirable refusal to use humor in this forum indicates a serious purpose. Your simple, almost retarded prose is a refreshing change from the posts elsewhere at EvC, where people flaunt their verbal skills and wit quite brazenly. It’s fascinating to read posts like yours, where the tedium is uninterrupted by gaudy displays of intelligence.Call me when you get to Stockholm and we’ll hang out. I don’t meet many people like you.Sincerely,Kevin Nobel
The Nobel Committee
Stockholm, Sweden
Next to Finland
No, the Other Side

You heard him, Dan-O, keep up the good work!

Hey Cthulhu,Who died and left you high priest of the Great Old Ones? Oh, you did? Well then, it's settled.Esteban Hambre
Miss Puerto Rico
First Runner-up