I'm trying: to repent?

Lovely testimony RR. And not that dissimilar to my own. I had a smack over the head encounter with God 10 years before I became a Christian. I didn't think about it at the time and didn't connect it with God. It was only on becoming a Christian that I realized what happened back then. The conversion happened overnight and many of the things you talk of happened straight away.4 years on I've come to realise that the imagery used in the bible isn't accidental. Born again, spiritual milk, solid food, children of God, Father, children subject to discipline because they are loved etc. That initial period of grace abounding fits with a person who is newly born. I've heard dozens of people testify to the same process. Helpless babes cannot do anything for themselves and need complete and utter protection. God does precisely what any loving parent would do. But you can't stay in the crib forever. You've got to crawl, toddly, walk and run. This absolute motherly protection is removed and accordingly we suffer the knocks of sin in our lives as we grow - just like a child gets a bumped head and a grazed kneeAnother image used is warfare. Spiritual warfare. And if at war, attacks and injuries are to be expected - but never death. We already died. It's no surprise that satan does attack. "Keep their heads down, tie them up in guilt and doubt, keep them, iow, from fighting effectively." If he wasn't such an evil bastard you'd have to admire his tactics. Fiendishly brilliant....Repenting is in the biblical sense I think, an issue to do with a changing mind and turning away. "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind" Paul says. Process, incremental. Watch Satan at work: Temptation comes (no sin in that) we find ourselves responding to it slightly, entertaining it. We struggle a bit but we don't flee from it. Then the temptation ratchets a notch forward and the new level is now the base level and the temptation is now desiring that we push from this level to the next. Each stage becomes more difficult to resist. Until the floodgates burst and we tumble into sin. We seem to go "LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" in our heads. Not wanting to listen to God anymore. Shutting down all communicationThen the afterglow of sin. The "why did I do that? The "oh wretched man that I am" Satan then comes into his own: pile on the guilt, pile on the unworthiness, keep us thinking "I'm not good enough, I deserve hell". He is cackling to himself "Keep 'em looking at themselves not at Christ"The thing is that "Oh wretched man that I am" has nothing to do with a Christian. That passage deals with a man who is being operated on by the law. The man who is being convicted or convinced of his actual position under Law. He is not thinking about God. God is remote - the thing behind the Law. It is Law he is offending. This passage is dealing with the man who is being led to Christ by Law, the schoolteacher. The man who is about the be convertedBut a Christian is freed from then Law. He must never return to the thinking that makes him feel condemned under law. It is inappropriate for him to do that. The Christian who has sinned has sinned against Grace not Law. And that will wrench his heart, cause him sorrow to have sinned against such a love. That is a Godly sorrow. Totally different to the sorrow of a man who has sinned against the law. Such a man can only (as the wretched man does) seek deliverance from the condemnation of the law. But there is no condemnation for those in Christ.Repentance for a Christian is, I think, doing exactly what satan doesn't want us to do. To turn away from sin - not to nothing - but back to God. To shake off the guilt and unworthinesss - to which we have no right to hold to - they are of satan, not God. To realise our position as sons and to ask for our fathers forgiveness "if we confess our sins he is gracious and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from every unrighteousness" The Father stands with open arms just wanting and waiting for his prodigal son to return. To rejoice and shower with love. And it is only love that God gives his children. There is no condemnation, no finger pointing, no "if you get your act together then I'll forgive you" If we allow ourselves to come under condemnation again we are in fact sinning.That is the most exquisite of pain for a Christian. They are not even allowed the dubious comfort of sitting under condemnation. Sitting there, monk-like, whipping themselves and telling themselves how worthless they are. Their is no escape possible except to escape back to GodRepentance is a process. It is the continual realising that it is grace we are sinning against, sinning against a bottomless pit of forgiveness. It is our hearts which are wrenched by the level of love shown to us, not guilt that causes us to turn back. Its a positive reason that turns us not a negative. It's as we come to realise this that resisting sin becomes easier. It is in the measure that we come to love the person who could put together such a beautiful scheme of redemption that sin becomes not only easy to resist, but impossible to do. "Reject such love? satan, what on earth are you smokin man - that stuff is messing with your mind. So on yer bike you piece of filth"Resist Satan and he will flee. Flee!! But it's not resist in a vacuum, not under own steam. It is enabled by this love.The Pilgrims Progress:Sin then go "yeuch " afterwards then...Sin and go "yeuch " while we're doing it then...Consider sinning and go "yeuch don't think I'll bother this time. It ain't worth it"