Your favourite Bible absurdity

PDF is the tool of Satan. Arrrggg....!!!------------------
No webpage found at provided URL: www.hells-handmaiden.com

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PDF is the tool of Satan. Arrrggg....!!!

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Heretic. Persecute the unbeliever. Kill. I use Adobe a lot in pulling papers form the web and submitting documentation to the FDA and USDA. I like it because the reciever can not change your document, at least easily.Sorry for the brief off-topic interlude. What is my favourite bible absurdity. Pretty much the whole thing, there are some good moral lessons in it but the rest is pretty much dren in my opinion.------------------
"Chance favors the prepared mind." L. Pasteur
Taz

"What I think is that the whole thing is based on highly questionable in interpretations of the Bible. And it looks very much as if the argument is heavily based on assuming that the Bible must agree with their beliefs."What about it is so questionable for you? No matter how much people try to make the bilble agree with their belief it is something tht can't be done. The bible wasn't written to please anybody. Even though it has very good stories in it it aint a novel. It is the word of God and the purpose of the stories is to show people what happens when you believe and what happens when you dont
For instance they argue that because Jesus cited parts of Genesis that Jesus must have believed the whole thing literally. By that thinking it is "defying Jesus" to take the parables as fictions intended to convey a teaching !And although they assert that many "liberals" attribute a belief in Biblical inerrancy to Jesus they never show any direct support for this claim - or more importantly any serious evidence that Jesus did.I also note that they reject any and all scholarship that contradicts their views. They are happy to insist on historical errors in Apocryphal books - but do not mention those in Daniel.In the end this comes down to a belief that Christians should not study and try to understand the Bible - they should believe Jonathan Sarfatti instead.------------------
BIG Bang=Bigger JOke

I gave examples of why I found it to be questionable.And can you explain why you don't accept that it is possible to use strained or even false interpretatiosn of the Bible to back up preconceived beliefs ? I see Biblical inerrantists and creationists do both. It's not impossible - it doesn't even seem to be difficult.Even the idea that the Bible itself is the "Word of God" is founded on questionable interpretations.

"What I think is that the whole thing is based on highly questionable in interpretations of the Bible. And it looks very much as if the argument is heavily based on assuming that the Bible must agree with their beliefs."What about it is so questionable for you? No matter how much people try to make the bilble agree with their belief it is something tht can't be done. The bible wasn't written to please anybody. Even though it has very good stories in it it aint a novel. It is the word of God and the purpose of the stories is to show people what happens when you believe and what happens when you dont."For instance they argue that because Jesus cited parts of Genesis that Jesus must have believed the whole thing literally."If he didnt hed be a fake. John says that jesus was present at creation. Jesus just as the Father and the holy spirit is eternal. He made himself a man to redeem this world, but he has always existed"By that thinking it is "defying Jesus" to take the parables as fictions intended to convey a teaching !"Better explanaition please."And although they assert that many "liberals" attribute a belief in Biblical inerrancy to Jesus they never show any direct support for this claim - or more importantly any serious evidence that Jesus did."Jesus is morre real than that monkey man or missing link thing. you can check outside the bible for the existence of jesus and there is evidence and a lot of it. If jesus is real so must have moses,abraham, adam, and the creation. Jesus is a witness of creation and im afraid theres no witness of evolution"I also note that they reject any and all scholarship that contradicts their views. They are happy to insist on historical errors in Apocryphal books - but do not mention those in Daniel."Fist of all, what are the mistakes in daniel. It is impossible to have different views of the bible so all christians will agree on this statements. 2 plus 2 is always four. Theres no other way of seing it. the bible is the same. Different views come from people who want to accomodate the bible to their beliefs. Theviews presented here are from people who accomodate themselves to the bible not the other way around. An integral is an integral and a comandment is a comandment. The bible is not relative."In the end this comes down to a belief that Christians should not study and try to understand the Bible - they should believe Jonathan Sarfatti instead."Those who do study it will reach the same conclusions.------------------
BIG Bang=Bigger JOke

What are those questionable interpretations?------------------
BIG Bang=Bigger JOke

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Jesus is morre real than that monkey man or missing link thing. you can check outside the bible for the existence of jesus and there is evidence and a lot of it. If jesus is real so must have moses,abraham, adam, and the creation. Jesus is a witness of creation and im afraid theres no witness of evolution....

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Y'know thats interesting because apart from a few references in the Talmud to Nazarene called Joshua Ben Pandera I'm not aware of anything even remotely approaching contemporary sources that corroborate his existence...So come on bud wheres this evidence....Oh and aside from that how does proving that Jesus existed prove the rest?He could have exsisted but been a conman...He could have exsisted but been a pathological liar....He could have exsisted but been a deluded savant with a messiah complex....He could have exsisted but been.....You get the picture? Proving his exsistence does not prove that everything written about him in the gospels is true.....I personally think that there probably was a Nazarene capenter (Joshua Ben Pandera) who was something of a wiz at moral philosophy, I don't think he was anything more than a smart human though.....

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It is impossible to have different views of the bible so all christians will agree on this statements.

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LMAO....Ever hear of Martin Luther bud?

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What about it is so questionable for you? No matter how much people try to make the bilble agree with their belief it is something tht can't be done.

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Making it agree with the geological record is even harder.

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you can check outside the bible for the existence of jesus and there is evidence and a lot of it.

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Then cite some! Stop just repeating yourself!

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If jesus is real so must have moses,abraham, adam, and the creation.

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What? I can barely understand that sentence, but I think your logic is badly flawed.

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Jesus is a witness of creation and im afraid theres no witness of evolution

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He's not here to testify. Sorry. But we have observed species splitting into multiple species. It's happened multiple times since you were born. And you have inherited mutant genes different from those of your parents. Everyone has a few of them.

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Those who do study it will reach the same conclusions.

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Which explains all the killing and denominational fracturing that has continued from the time of the early Christian church right up until the present? I don't think so. You are fooling yourself if you think people are even remotely likely to agree in their interpretation of the Bible.

hi jazz There's so many logical fallacies in this paragraph that I don't know where to start.Fact number one: There is no contemporary references to Jesus.Fact number two: Even the New Testament references are not contemporary.Fact Number Three: 'If jesus is real so must have moses,abraham, adam, and the creation', this is a non sequitur. For example, it is a fact that there was a Muhammad, therefore there must be an Allah, you agree?Fact Number four: Creation is unproven.Fact number five: Evolution is witnessed every day in science labs.Oh while we are on the subject, can you provide evidence that the biblical characters known as Abraham, Jacob, Joseph, the great Moses, Joshua, the wonderful Saul, the amazing King David, and Solomon were actually historical characters.Following your logic, if Jesus was real then so is everything else in the Bible, so what if you discover that these people are fictional, will you then think that Jesus is fictional?Best WishesBrian.------------------
Remembering events that never happened is a dangerous thing!

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Jesus is morre real than that monkey man or missing link thing. you can check outside the bible for the existence of jesus and there is evidence and a lot of it. If jesus is real so must have moses,abraham, adam, and the creation. Jesus is a witness of creation and im afraid theres no witness of evolution

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By that light, since Athens, Sparta and Troy have been shown to exist that means that Mt. Olympus must have existed complete with the god Zeuss sitting up there with his ambrosia and coming down to impregnate good looking babes.. Every time you look at the earth you are a witness to evolution. Whoops, as you are not witnessing it I guess that means that you do not exist.------------------
"Chance favors the prepared mind." L. Pasteur
Taz

Even the Chicago mob are willing to concede this - after all, nobody would say that the Song of Solomon is literally true. They may disagree with others about what is history or approximation or metaphor, but the text doesn't come with tags that tell us which is which, so it *must* be down to interpretation.I say it is all hyperbole, poetry and metaphor, and should be treated as such. No problem

If oyu agree that Jesus can use stories ofr teaching purposes whether or not they happen to be literally true then surely that also applies to Genesis, as well as the Parables. How then can you claim that Jesus would have to be a fraud for citing Genesis to teach, if it were not literally true ?There are plenty of Christians who will assert that God created via evolution and neither of the passages Jesus is cited as reporting even deals with that - nor with the age of the Earth. So how can you tell from that that Jesus beleived that all of Genesis was literally true ?Next to the question of whether Jesus believed that the bible was inerrant - you cite no evidence for that or even the assertion that some noted liberal theorlogians beleive that. Instead you cite exaggerated claims of the evidnece for the existence of Jesus (which is in fact poor with only two sources of even minor value outside of the Bible) andof the absence of evidence for "monkey men" or "missing links". The real fact there is that more and more fossils are being discovered, and the evidence for human evolution is very strong.Historical errors in Daniel ? Well perhaps we had better split off that if you want to go into details, but we cans tart with the fact that history records that the Persions took control of the Medean Empire before conquering Babylon while Daniel puts events the other way around.And I've saved the best for last. You have copied an essay attacking the conclusions of mainstream Bible scholars - the result of deep study of the Bible. Yet you say that Christians studying the Bible must come to the same conclusions ! Well which is it ? Are the scholars right and Sarfati's essay an attack on Christianity ? Or are you wrong to say that Christians cannot disagree ?

I disagree, when I was in high school, class mate had a naked man dance on her lawn saying I am Jesus. Apparently he had escaped from the local sanatorium.

BIG Bang=Bigger JOkeI recently obtained a bronze statue of the Hindu god Shiva dancing the Nataraj (Sanskrit nata= dance; raja= royal).Shiva is the god of creation, destruction, and renewal. He is the creator and destroyer of worlds. I will attempt to interpret for you this ancient Hindu art work (please see image below).In his right hand he holds a drum while in his left hand he holds a flame. The drum represents the primordial sound of creation and the flame represents the primordial fire of the creation of the universe. The suggestion here of a "big bang" is rather remarkable.His right foot crushes a dwarf, who represents ignorance. His upraised left leg lifts the veil of illusion from mankind. His lower right hand expresses a gesture of "do not be afraid", while his lower left hand gesture promises salvation through liberation of the mind and soul. The flames which surround him signify the cyclical creation/destruction of the universe as well as the daily rhythm of birth, death, and re-birth.Shiva Nataraj"The source of all movement,Shiva's dance,Gives rhythm to the universe.He dances in evil places,In sacred,He creates and preserves,Destroys and releases.We are part of this danceThis eternal rhythm,And woe to us if, blindedBy illusions,We detach ourselvesFrom the dancing cosmos,This universal harmony" -- Ruth Peel[This message has been edited by Orion, 06-25-2003]