Who's the Class Clown?

Rei,I've really missed that billboard since the town fathers let them put up that dreadful Wonderbra ad. Thanks for the memories!------------------
I would not let the chickens cross the antidote road because I was already hospitlized for trying to say this!-Brad McFall

Hambre, this has gotten so easy, I'm going to give you a handicap. Rather than argue your post as legendary funnyman Dan Carroll, I will argue it as reasonably entertaining funnyman Dennis Miller. It should even the odds a bit.If anyone finds themselves unconsciously reaching for the remote to see what else is on, don't worry. This is Dennis Miller speaking, and it's only natural.

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Oh, please, Dan. You can hardly wear the rebel hat if your view of comedy concerns Adam Sandler and frat-boy hijinx. I know you'd love to think I'm a harmless prep school wag who thinks that craven asshole Tom Lehrer is a hoot. However, I assure you I bear a closer resemblance to a Travis Bickle of comedy, a lava-surfing cut-and-slash satirist, a garish John Wayne Gacy clown come to life. When the men in blue finally gun me down in seedy Central Square, they'll find grenades beneath my moldy cassock and several ten-penny nails driven into my testicles. That's not sick, Dan, that's funny.

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Ho, Adam Sandler. Whippin' out the big guns. Now I don't wanna go off on a rant here, but this Hambre guy's brainpan couldn't fry a two-egg omelette. Ha HA! He's worked this prep school thing over like Clarence Thomas gettin' out on the street to shake some hands and slap some asses. *wags head*

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It's one thing to point out my lack of success with women (and it wasn't my history of molestation that left me unable to get off on the same planet as any female, it's my dedication to keeping my bodily fluids at the disposal of my Art), but your comments concerning my mother in the "Lineage of Jesus" thread were totally unwarranted. You think she's the only person on the east coast who has a thing for liquid demerol? And how many times do I have to tell you she only lived with Brad McFall for two months? Leave her alone, for crying out loud, she's suffered enough.

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Trying to figure out the jokes in this guy's posts is like trying to track down a Kennedy at a brothel. *wags head again* There he is whippin' out the old Brad McFall card, like he's tossing a piece of chewing gum to Bob Dole and watching him catch his dentures on his lip. It's too easy to be funny, and the only thing we'll be left with is being even less able to understand what the Hell the guy's saying!Of course that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

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Cats? Robots? Old people? You're an amateur, Dan. I didn't waste that stint in the Marines over in Kosovo, pal. I've laughed amid mass graves, Comic Book Boy, even if I was in Supply and never really saw anything graphic. Our world is a sick, amoral sewer, and it's goddamn great comedy. Did you have your eyes closed during the twentieth century, Dan, or did you just miss all the good stuff? I was there, Dan, well I read about it anyway.

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What an intergalactic fucking freakshow this has turned out to be, huh? I don't wanna go off on a rant here, but responding to this mass grave business is like trying to tape Strom Thurmond's jaw back into place after it crumbles into dust. Ha HA! Strom Thurmond... geez, why the Hell don't we put that guy on the Supreme Court, huh? Who better to work out constitutional intent that ONE OF THE ORIGINAL AUTHORS? *wags head yet again*Anyway, that's my post, and I... am... outta here!

is INTER NIC going to be called ANNA? Look simply using cute text to migrate a comptuer to a network is not the same as shooting the moon. a spade is a spade. But an acciental form as substantial without the mass' inertia calculated fails but the lie to someone of a ghost. There is no actor for me.It is a stall tactic to deal with the tragedy (of a case where higher education failed a 97% k-12 student). If any one here had sceen my videos where I didnt speak in my own voice even while simply reading scrpt would find any such card UNNECESSARY. I have been able to think of an alternative to JAVA and .NET by exposing the CLR thru SITE SWAP FORMALISM in a haptic programming language that takes advantage of the MIT rejection of shoulder motion information. I would use this platform NOT EvC to bring the geology and the atomism to the expertise that would be XML available by then to the current expertise here. Best. Bard Brad.

Dan,Did you have a tiring evening out on the town, sharing a Leinenkugel with the missus and scouring the Corrolla's ashtray for roaches? Get in at just-after-midnight reeking of cheap soy sauce and William Penn Perfectos, dazed from all the orgiastic depravity that eight bucks can buy? A little strapped for inspiration after paying such rip-roaring tribute to your Goddess?Yeah, I had you pegged all wrong, Inky. Here I was thinking you were SNL, when you're actually Wide World of Sports. Funny comes so natural to you that you need a guest speaker, and a former football announcer at that. Pardon me while I cower.Dan, can I point out that you just got your ass handed to you by Brad? At least I think that's what he did. He won't return mom's calls anymore, but he's got verbiage to waste on the likes of you. Go figure.So what's next, Dan the Man? Do I have to fear an attack from Borscht Belt yuksters or prop comedians? This is definitely giving me Balkan flashbacks, waiting for the next round of artillery fire from Carrot Top.

In order to restrict participation in this thread to the main protagonists, I have opened a Peanut Gallery thread in Free-for-All for any and all comments on this debate.

Any chance you guys could put this stuff in verse? Then we could have kind-of a rap battle thing going!------------------
No webpage found at provided URL: www.hells-handmaiden.com

Thread moved here from the Coffee House forum.Note from Adminnemooseus: Now that this topic is in the "Great Debate" forum, I presume that any messages posted, by other than the 2 main characters, are subject to being edited to being a blank message (even in this context, I still dislike total deletions).[This message has been edited by Adminnemooseus, 09-26-2003]

Hambre, tossing your mom a fiver and a pack of smokes before wiping on a towel isn't a relationship, even if it does go on for months.Man, I try to level the playing field out a bit, and this is the thanks I get? You pour your blood and sweat and bile into something, and all you get in return is "this doesn't taste like fudge ripple ice cream, what the Hell is this?"You question my devotion to comedy? You're talking to a man who breaks into his own house, wipes his own ass with his own toothbrush, and leaves pictures for himself to find! Why? Because a toothbrush in the ass is funny, Hambre. And deep down, somewhere in that twisted soul of yours, I think you know that.Are you willing to do the same? Would you get drunk by yourself in Tijuana, pass out, and steal your own kidney? Would you dress like a baby, stick yourself in the microwave and hit the on button? Somehow I don't think so. The funny things in life leave a man like you weak in the knees, hiding behind mummy's skirts and hoping "uncle" Brad will come by for another visit soon.When you pull together the nuts to light your first hobo on fire, come talk to me. Until then, you're not a man... just a little boy dressing up in uncle Brad's pants.

Dan, leveling the playing field here would require you to shove a coat hanger through my eye socket and wiggle it around. Unlikely as I am to stand still for such impromptu brain surgery, I think you're going to have to keep relying on your impressions of not-so-famous-anymore television comedians. And that's not helping your cause.I don't think you've enjoyed a 'relationship' with anything that hasn't dropped out of a marmoset's ass, okay? I've had my suspicions that you call anyone who would call an ambulance for you after you fell off the barstool a girlfriend, even if she borrowed someone else's cell phone so she wouldn't waste her evening minutes on some drunk bleeding from his skull through a balloon hat.And hey, B. Kliban, I'm fairly certain the only thing you've ever poured your blood and sweat and bile into is the toilet at McGeezer's. Comic books are your specialty? Your monkey friends have probably inadvertently painted more impressive creations on the sidewalk with their shit-stained tails while evading your amorous advances.Look out, military-industrial complex, Dan the Man is out in full hobo-killing mode. What a rebel.

We've all learned a valuable lesson here today... you get on Hambre's mom, and he gets all pissy. I don't know why... so many people get on Hambre's mom you'd think he's be used to it by now.It's okay, little Hambre. Shhhh. Uncle Brad will be back soon.Unfortunately though, the subtleties of comedy are lost on you. Any idiot can kill a hobo. You just grab yourself a hammer, find one drunk enough not to yell, and go to work. It takes artistry to light a man on fire, while keeping the flame under enough control so that his wild gesticulations, facial contortions, and screams of pain can still be readily enjoyed by all.Poop, pain, monkeys, and midgets, Hambre. These are the four basics you will need to learn. Then we can move you on to hobo-lighting.

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Any chance you guys could put this stuff in verse? Then we could have kind-of a rap battle thing going!

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I like you, John. Honest. That's why I don't want to have to harm you.Let's put this unpleasantness behind us.

Why do both of you refer to eachother as "funny" men? I still find nothing funny about any of your posts. And if your so notorious how come I don't see any of you on comedy central or something?

You've completely deflated us, messanjaH. We now see how unfunny we truly are.Your work here is done, and you can go now.Go on. Scoot.

Once again, Dan, I'm so impressed that the force of your destructive anger is being focused on those who are most deserving of it, namely, homeless people. You must believe that hobos possess immense hidden power in our society that makes them legitimate targets for your rage. Otherwise I'd be inclined to consider your wino-killing lesson an admission of your pointless impotence. But your being a cartoonist in the first place already tells us that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going all PC/Rrhain on your admittedly sorry ass, but hobos just don't pose the threat to me that they seem to represent to you.Again, why you bother repeatedly bringing Mater into the discussion is beyond me. It's a good thing she's got no Internet access at the clinic. I can't be held responsible for anything the Pride of Ithaca himself may say in retaliation for your crass behavior concerning my mother. I can't say I'll make head or tail out of it if he does either. But you've been warned.Learning valuable lessons isn't on your agenda for the remainder of your resource-draining existence, Far Side boy. You couldn't tell real comedy from monkey shit, and an understanding of subtlety is something that your career decision to become a midget tosser may indicate you lack.

May Dan C., for causing such pain
To hobos asleep in the rain
A sawbuck receive
And spunk on his sleeve
From servicing John on the train.