This will make no sense whatsoever to anyone who hasn't followed the Peanut Gallery or recent related threads. But hopefully those who have will get some of the references and find it mildly amusing. As ever - I have entertained myself even if no-one else.
This rhyme is about my main man Xong
No doubt his family ties are strong
Brother of the agnostic opinionated deist who is just wrong
But I'm convinced that it's with the dark side he does belong
It's time he turned to the the ungodly throng
Strags, bluegenes, Mod, Panda, PaulK... - The list is long
Time for Xongsmith to sing a different song
Let the fence sitting no more prolong
But how could that happen? What is that tale?
Listen up and I shall regale
On the question of the supernatural we disagree
To the ridiculous but massive extent of nought point three.
He’s a five point seven. I’m a proponent of six.
That is the root cause of all the verbal shoves and kicks
Yes - You may think the difference is minor
But it's all about the presence of an intelligent designer
An EvC topic of much dispute
Each side determined the other to refute
The views of the other side just don't compute
That's why the seemingly endless pursuit
Anyway — This rhyme is about that.
Bluegenes theory, rabbits and hats
And how Strags caused a family spat
All started with relentless talk of God
Brother Zen's fundamentalist agnosticism is like a lightning rod
Try to resist but cannot help ourselves
Resulted in many many threads and over sixteen hundred peanut shells!!
Debate went on and on.
EvC felt put-upon
Admin has had enough. "This has gone on far to long"
Put a sock in it or you will be gone!
But much thought did arise
And some of that I will now here reprise
RAZ wants to define science as axiomatic
But his epistemological stance is tragic
Just sweeps aside any examples that are problematic
Really is little more than a debate tactic
What are these mysterious pos-tu-lates?
Try and define them and you will end up in dire straits
Last Thursdayism. The one second universe - Such examples he just hates
Exposes agnostic nonsense as second rate.
Xong did some analysis and proudly proposed his own dilemma
The result was the much maligned anal Emma
So wedded to her he cannot see why she is so reviled
With her fake allure he has become too beguiled
Persuaded by her charms to take her up the aisle.
Now he lives in misguided bliss
But deep down he knows something is a amiss
Invites Strags to come and reminisce
In comfy chairs they sit and discuss his analy-sis
Philosophical musings over fine cognac and cigars
But Xongs so on the fence he has splinters in his arse
Puts himself at 5.7 on the Dawkins scale.
Not just sittin on the fence, he’s frikkin impaled!
His beloved anal Emma tries to lift him off but fails.
Ouch! He’s slippin!! He doesn’t like the look of those nails.
The colours gone. He’s looking pale.
Slips further down. Only adds to his travails.
But what’s that distant noise I hear?
Horses hooves and a hearty cheer.
It’s RAZD and his cheering sidekick Chuck
Here to rescue Xong? To change his luck?
RAZ - The knight in shining armour
Chuck is waving pom pons and wearing batgirl pyjamas
Rushing forth to save their fallen comrade
Better be quick. Xong’s splintered buttocks are looking increasingly frayed
Hold on dear brother cries the mighty Zen
I’ll rewrite the scales. I’ll redefine my charts.......Again!!
That’ll teach those evil pseudoskeptics.
And then we can treat your splinter wounds with anti-sceptic.
He charges forth. Keyboard in hand.
Chuck waves his pom pons does the splits and lands.
Gimme an R. Gimme an A. Gimme a Zed. Gimme a Dee.
RAZ is on yet another diagram spree!!
So many circles drawn with glee. An inarguable ability. If only they had any effect on his argument's validity. But they don't - Unfortu-nately.
Chuck does a twirl and yells (girly voice) "Go RAZ Go"
(manly voice) Teach those atheistic motherfuckers what it means to
KNOOOOWWW
Strags, bluegenes Mod, Panda and all the rest.
Stand their ground. Unimpressed.
Strags cannot hide his mirth at the ridiculous manner in which Chuck is dressed
All of these colourful arguments they have already addressed
To these diagramatic tricks they are immune.
The gang of four. And the atheist platoon.
Panda fires his ant-buffoon harpoon.
Chuck falls on his pom pons like a clueless goon
Strags takes aim and shoots the Hogwarts hypothesis
RAZ says "Stand back I know how to deal with this"
He turns and runs away.
It follows him but he ducks and sways.
His dodging abilities do amaze.
Ultimately the question he does rephrase.
Setting his charts and scales all ablaze.
RAZ says - "I know let's start anew.
Then I can draw new charts and diagrams to convince all of you!!"
Panda asks if he likes jam or cheese.
RAZ replies that he's already told him it's all about tea.
Mod raises an eyebrow at this lack of epistemology. Bluegenes head in hand asks Why can't you see?
That baseless propositions have no effect on my theo-ry
But Xong is in no fit shape
To consider the finer points of this intellectual rape
That impaling point is starting to gape
He is in desperate need of an escape
"Here" says Mod "Let me help".
Xong takes his hand with a yelp.
Let us cure you of you nought point three agnosticism With an education in fallibilism
Pragmatism and coherentism too.
Slowly Xong changes his view.
And with each revelation his frayed buttocks are treated to alleviation of the pain caused by impalation.
Eventually he reaches the point of intellectual resuscitation
Well on the way to full salvation.
The light has dawned and all is well
Finally broken away from RAZ's spell
Now Xong and I are in Heathrow
Sharing a beer and discussing his bro
Will this dispute ever end?
Will it drive Percy round the bend?
I don't know and nor do you
But Xongsmith will remember those splinters everytime he poos
The moral of this story - Is that enforced agnosticism is bad for your health. Just say no.
Edited by Straggler, : Spelling
™ Version 4.2
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