Creativity Corner

I don't have a complete catalog of all the verse I've posted here, but I found these ...* Another Reply To Bishop Wilberforce
* The Cuttlefish And The Flying Pig: An Aureate Amphigory
* This Is The Title
* A Polite Request
* Down With Danniel Dennett!

Yes, or I'd have posted them in the Lack Of Creativity Corner.

You don't think anyone could refer to me as a "much loved friend"? Thank you. I have a slim volume available here if anyone's interested. That was back in 2006, and I'm not sure that I'd put all the poems that are in it into it now, but parts of it are excellent. Edited by Dr Adequate, : No reason given.

There was a time we used to take
a chap whose faith we thought was fake,
and burn the fellow at the stake ---
and so he learned from his mistake,
and didn't make it twice.
This argument, if not profound
(nor strictly logically sound)
still worked out rather well, all round,
and in most cases it was found
effective, if not nice.But now the fire of faith's gone out,
and all we do is yell and shout
against belief, or honest doubt,
and stamp our little feet and pout,
and call each other names.
Unedifying? Yes --- and yet
a tendency I can't regret:
these flamewars on the internet,
though heated, never seem to get
as hot as actual flames.

I wrote this about four years back, but it's still one of my swingingest bits of satire, so I thought I'd post it here. Blame The Jews!You can blame it on the Masons, you can blame it on the PNAC,
you can blame it on the Templars, they can hardly answer back,
you can blame the Rosicrucians if so you really choose,
but you're not a proper paranoid unless you blame the Jews.Blame the Jews! ---
when it's scapegoats that you need.
Blame the Jews! ---
'cos they're very bad indeed.
It's a simple proposition which you really can't refuse
that in any given circumstance you ought to blame the Jews.They control the world in secret; that's the reason, I would guess
why their every single venture meets with such complete success.
What nation's half so fortunate in everything they do?
So you know whatever happens you can always blame a Jew.Blame the Jews! ---
can't you see the warning signs?
Blame the Jews! ---
if you read between the lines,
then you'll find that all of history is littered with the clues
proving nothing ever happens that is not the fault of Jews.You can blame it on the Marxists, you can blame the CIA,
you can blame the New World Order in a general sort of way,
you can blame it on Reptilians, but still you'll find your views
always sound a bit more crazy if you blame it on the Jews.Blame the Jews! ---
they've a thumb in every pie!
Blame the Jews! ---
for with methods that are sly
they control the price of stocks and shares, the weather, sport and news.
Got a problem with reality? You'd better blame the Jews.

I'd forgotten writing this, but came across it looking for something else. It's a jolly little ditty, to be delivered rapidly and with great zest. I call it ... Nothing Succeeds Like Faunal SuccessionI am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family pride is something inconceivable. I can't help it. I was born sneering. --- W. S. Gilbert, The MikadoWay back in geologic time
so scientists will all agree
my ancestors were blobs of slime
and simple as can be,
but I'm descended from the blobs
that best performed their blobby jobs
the blob aristocrats, the nobs
--- a noble pedigree!
So I'm descended from the best,
the creatures that surpassed the rest,
excelled them all at Darwin's test
and so gave rise to me.Invertebrates were next to dare
to wriggle in the seas and squirm
and those that passed their genes on were
the finest sort of worm.
I'm sprung from those invertebrates
who had the most inverte-mates
and lots of hot inverte-dates
--- a noble pedigree!
Oh, what an heritage is mine:
one splendid and unbroken line
of creatures that made out just fine
and so gave rise to me.When first the vertebrates were grown
to swim in oceans far and free
and flexed their novel spines of bone
in some Devonian sea
then all the fish from which I am
descended were the best that swam,
their schools passed nature's strict exam
--- a noble pedigree!
and so with pride I must confess
my lineage, as you may guess
is one long story of success
and so gave rise to me.When tetrapods began to stand
and crawl about upon their legs
then from the best in all the land
who laid the nicest eggs
my line descends: from ranks and squads
of well-adapted tetrapods
whose strength and cunning beat the odds
--- a noble pedigree!
So I'm descended from the best,
the creatures that surpassed the rest,
excelled them all at Darwin's test
and so gave rise to me.And in the Cenozoic world
when monkeys leapt from tree to tree
they munched on fruit and nuts, and hurled
their dung with zest and glee:
and from the simians that flung
with greatest force and aim their dung,
this is the line from which I'm sprung
--- a noble pedigree!
Oh, what an heritage is mine:
one splendid and unbroken line
of creatures that made out just fine
and so gave rise to me.And every single hominid
that passed on their genetic strains
did best the things that ape-men did
and had the largest brains;
and so in each and every case
my forbears in the human race
competed well and took first place
--- a noble pedigree!
and so with pride I must confess
my lineage, as you may guess
is one long story of success
and so gave rise to me.
Oh, what an heritage is mine:
one splendid and unbroken line
of creatures that made out just fine
and so gave rise to me.
So I'm descended from the best,
the creatures that surpassed the rest,
excelled them all at Darwin's test
and so gave rise to me.

Another thing I'd completely forgotten I'd written.Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie once dedicated one of their books: "To Uri Geller, for being so ridiculous".In the same spirit, I give you this: The Magus or How I Supped With The DevilI sought and seized me mastery
beyond what mortal men should dare,
and spake a spell that drew to me
the spirits of the earth and air,and bade the hidden world attend
obedient to my secret runes;
and, lusting in my heart to bend
or otherwise deform some spoons,my voice was with the thunders blent;
I cried: "Ye ancient spirits, rise!
Ride forth, and leave no spoon unbent,
for such is hateful in mine eyes."The sensual succubi, in swarms
brought forth ten thousand spoons of gold,
and drew them into monstrous forms
entwined in hideous fold on fold.(I sometimes wish that they would ask
politely, if I have a view
to any other little task
or thing I'd rather have them do ...)I called the very hosts of Hell:
methought my soul was little price,
'cos demons do bend spoons so well,
and twisted cutlery is nice.Though Satan come to claim me soon
and feast upon my wizard's heart,
ere then he'll warp me many a spoon
and mock with curves the cutler's art.His legions pour from out Hell's gate
to crinkle spoons at my command,
'cos else I'd have to leave 'em straight,
or bend the wretched things by hand.