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Author Topic:   Humour VI
Member (Idle past 689 days)
Posts: 3228
Joined: 08-11-2004

Message 496 of 553 (643056)
12-04-2011 12:36 PM

In Honor of Alan Sues, who just passed away

Posts: 4000
From: Liverpool
Joined: 09-16-2005

Message 497 of 553 (643418)
12-06-2011 6:39 PM

And the Barman says "ain't I seen you already?"
A neutrino walks into a bar.
Courtesy of Arthur Smith BBC 4Extra.

The above ontological example models the zero premise to BB theory. It does so by applying the relative uniformity assumption that the alleged zero event eventually ontologically progressed from the compressed alleged sub-microscopic chaos to bloom/expand into all of the present observable order, more than it models the Biblical record evidence for the existence of Jehovah, the maximal Biblical god designer.
-Attributed to Buzsaw Message 53
Moreover that view is a blatantly anti-relativistic one. I'm rather inclined to think that space being relative to time and time relative to location should make such a naive hankering to pin-point an ultimate origin of anything, an aspiration that is not even wrong.
Well, Larni, let's say I much better know what I don't want to say than how exactly say what I do.

Replies to this message:
 Message 498 by Shield, posted 12-06-2011 6:56 PM Larni has not replied

Member (Idle past 2939 days)
Posts: 482
Joined: 01-29-2008

Message 498 of 553 (643421)
12-06-2011 6:56 PM
Reply to: Message 497 by Larni
12-06-2011 6:39 PM

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, I think I’ve lost an electron.
The other says, Are you sure?
The first replies, Yes, I’m positive
(a variation: A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. Upon being asked the price, the bartender responded, For you? No charge.)
Can't remember where i got those from, but its saved in my jokes textfile.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 497 by Larni, posted 12-06-2011 6:39 PM Larni has not replied

Posts: 8593
From: Phoenix
Joined: 11-06-2006
Member Rating: 4.5

Message 499 of 553 (643435)
12-06-2011 10:22 PM
Reply to: Message 493 by Admin
12-02-2011 12:47 PM

Re: Moderator Expression of Concern
Anyone with something funny to post, this is the place.
Well I suppose if you insist:
Last week in the sleepy little west Texas town of Gentry, just northwest of Amarillo, a cowboy walked into town wearing nothing but his hat and his boots. This created a bit of a stir since there was a Christian Youth Association group comprised mostly of 12 to 14 year-old girls going shop to shop distributing Abstinence pamphlets, but this has nothing to do with what happened next so we'll just ignore that.
The Sheriff approached the cowboy and, after looking him up and down drawled out a Tsk, tsk. Not in my town, and led the cowboy off to jail. After the usual writing of the reports and the paperwork, the mug shots, neck up only, the Sheriff sat the cowboy down in the Talkin' Room and said, OK, Leroy. That was the cowboy's name and the Sheriff deemed it appropriate to call him that.
OK, Leroy. Go and explain for me what's going on here. Why you come into my town dressed eh not dressed the way you was? Sheriff had given Leroy one of them black and white striped jail-house jump suits so he wasn't so offensive now, but this has nothing to do with what happened next either so we'll just ignore that, too.
Well, said Leroy knowing the Sheriff was talking to him since he called him by his name, was looking right at him and there wasn't anyone else in the room.
Well, I was at Crystal's Saloon few hours ago and met me a cute little filly named Betsy. We had a few and talked awhile then she asked me to take her home. When we got into her house she took off her shirt and said,
'OK, Cowboy. Take off your shirt.' So I did.
Then she took off her pants and said,
'OK, Cowboy. Take off your pants.' So I did.
Then she laid out on the couch and said,
'OK, Cowboy. Go to town.' So here I am."
Edited by AZPaul3, : No reason given.

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Member (Idle past 3738 days)
Posts: 382
From: universal city tx
Joined: 03-03-2008

Message 500 of 553 (643483)
12-07-2011 11:28 AM

It's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the blame.
You're not drunk
if you can lie on the floor
without holding on.
We have enough "youth". How about a fountain of "smart"?
The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Wesson.
A Fool and his money
can throw one heck of a party
Five days a week my body is a temple.
The other two it's an amusement park.
Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Don't Drink and Drive
You might hit a bump and spill something.
If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.
Red meat is not bad for you;
fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.
Alabama state motto:
At least we're not Mississippi
The latest survey shows that
three out of four people make
up 75% of the population
You know why a banana is like a politician? He comes in and first he's green, then he turns yellow
and then he's rotten.
I think Congressmen should wear uniforms,
you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could
identify their corporate sponsors.
The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected
Is that they would 'hate' to have to make a living
under the laws they've passed.

'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat'
The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ
The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX
Opening your mind to imagination shouldn't close it to reality.
It takes all kinds to make a mess- Benjamin Hoff

Member (Idle past 383 days)
Posts: 2932
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010

Message 501 of 553 (643519)
12-07-2011 4:29 PM

lol i think its funny

Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand

Member (Idle past 3028 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008

Message 502 of 553 (643692)
12-10-2011 12:12 PM

For Phat
Louis Ck on evolution:
The next big thing, keep an eye out for this guy, Hannibal Buress. Developing a show with Jonah Hill:
OWS's own, Ted Alexandro:
One of the best ever, Maria Bamfooooo (Bamford):
- Oni

Posts: 4001
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005
Member Rating: 4.8

Message 503 of 553 (643712)
12-10-2011 9:17 PM

The Real Thing
So I'm going somewhere with my wife I don't want to go, but I said I'd go.
She says I don't have to go if I don't want to go.
I say. I said I'd go, I'll go.
We go. I'm bitching from the moment we get in the car.
Finally, she slams on the brakes and screams, "Why are you acting like an asshole?!"
I scream back, "I'M NOT ACTING!"
We sat there and laughed for five minutes. Had a great night.

"If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."

Replies to this message:
 Message 504 by Dogmafood, posted 12-11-2011 9:41 AM Omnivorous has not replied

Member (Idle past 426 days)
Posts: 1815
From: Ontario Canada
Joined: 08-04-2010

Message 504 of 553 (643748)
12-11-2011 9:41 AM
Reply to: Message 503 by Omnivorous
12-10-2011 9:17 PM

Re: The Real Thing
From an email;
Hi Sweetheart,
I am sorry about getting into an argument about putting up the Christmas lights.
I guess that sometimes I feel like you are pushing me too hard when you want something.
I realize that I was wrong and I am apologizing for being such a hard-headed guy.
All I want is for you to be happy and be able to enjoy the holiday season.
Nothing brightens the Christmas spirit like Christmas lights!
I took the time to hang the lights for you today and now I will be off to the golf course.
Again, I am very sorry for the way I acted yesterday.
I'll be home later.
Love you
Edited by AdminAsgara, : fixed img link issue

This message is a reply to:
 Message 503 by Omnivorous, posted 12-10-2011 9:17 PM Omnivorous has not replied

Member (Idle past 2939 days)
Posts: 482
Joined: 01-29-2008

Message 505 of 553 (643871)
12-12-2011 1:16 PM

Member (Idle past 879 days)
Posts: 3193
Joined: 08-12-2009

Message 506 of 553 (644355)
12-17-2011 9:25 AM

Put the FSM back in Chrifsmas

Member (Idle past 1332 days)
Posts: 3509
Joined: 02-26-2006

Message 507 of 553 (644386)
12-17-2011 11:58 AM

You can't make up shit this funny!
From deadspin
Joe Amendola, the attorney for Jerry Sandusky who thus far has been lawyerin' like a man who got his J.D. from the bottom of a cereal box, did some more lawyerin' in front of the cameras this morning. The choicest moment: At one point, Amendola discussed the possibility that Mike McQueary witnessed a rape, told Joe Paterno and two university administrators, and no one did anything except tell Sandusky to stay out of the locker room with kids. To anyone who believes that version of events, Amendola said, "I suggest you dial 1-800-REALITY." We did. Here's what we got:
Hey guys, welcome to the hottest place for triple-X action. Get ready for bulging, bursting pleasure with horny gay, bi, and bi-curious studs. Just 99 cents per minute.

Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. -- Thomas Jefferson
We see monsters where science shows us windmills. -- Phat
It has always struck me as odd that fundies devote so much time and effort into trying to find a naturalistic explanation for their mythical flood, while looking for magical explanations for things that actually happened. -- Dr. Adequate
...creationists have a great way to detect fraud and it doesn't take 8 or 40 years or even a scientific degree to spot the fraud--'if it disagrees with the bible then it is wrong'.... -- archaeologist

Member (Idle past 879 days)
Posts: 3193
Joined: 08-12-2009

Message 508 of 553 (644501)
12-18-2011 12:21 PM

Put the FSM back in Chrifsmas

Replies to this message:
 Message 509 by Artemis Entreri, posted 12-20-2011 2:14 PM hooah212002 has seen this message but not replied

Artemis Entreri 
Suspended Member (Idle past 4306 days)
Posts: 1194
From: Northern Virginia
Joined: 07-08-2008

Message 509 of 553 (644765)
12-20-2011 2:14 PM
Reply to: Message 508 by hooah212002
12-18-2011 12:21 PM

LOL that was funnier than when you try and make a point.

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 Message 508 by hooah212002, posted 12-18-2011 12:21 PM hooah212002 has seen this message but not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 510 by Dr Adequate, posted 12-20-2011 3:54 PM Artemis Entreri has not replied

Dr Adequate
Member (Idle past 362 days)
Posts: 16113
Joined: 07-20-2006

Message 510 of 553 (644779)
12-20-2011 3:54 PM
Reply to: Message 509 by Artemis Entreri
12-20-2011 2:14 PM

This message is a reply to:
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