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Author
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Topic: Humour VI
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Dr Adequate
Member (Idle past 312 days) Posts: 16113 Joined: 07-20-2006
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Message 436 of 553 (640448)
11-09-2011 6:21 PM
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Reply to: Message 427 by Pressie
11-08-2011 7:38 AM
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LOL and so true. Every man has his price, I guess. Some are just cheaper (prostitutes) than others (big wigs). It's taken me a day to parse that sentence correctly.
Dr A thinks: Hmm ... I see how you could bribe someone with prostitutes, but how do you sway him from the path of rectitude by offering him large hairpieces ... ?
| This message is a reply to: | | | Message 427 by Pressie, posted 11-08-2011 7:38 AM | | Pressie has not replied |
| Replies to this message: | | | Message 437 by Panda, posted 11-09-2011 7:22 PM | | Dr Adequate has not replied |
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Panda
Member (Idle past 3740 days) Posts: 2688 From: UK Joined: 10-04-2010
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Dr. A writes: I see how you could bribe someone with prostitutes, but how do you sway him from the path of rectitude by offering him large hairpieces ... ? For some reason I instantly thought of Silvio Berlusconi. Edited by Panda, : No reason given.
If I were you
And I wish that I were you
All the things I'd do
To make myself turn blue
| Replies to this message: | | | Message 438 by Omnivorous, posted 11-09-2011 8:27 PM | | Panda has seen this message but not replied |
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Omnivorous
Member Posts: 3990 From: Adirondackia Joined: 07-21-2005 Member Rating: 6.9
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Message 438 of 553 (640458)
11-09-2011 8:27 PM
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Reply to: Message 437 by Panda
11-09-2011 7:22 PM
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Panda writes: Dr. A writes: I see how you could bribe someone with prostitutes, but how do you sway him from the path of rectitude by offering him large hairpieces ... ? For some reason I instantly thought of Silvio Berlusconi. I see your Silvio and raise you Donald Trump.
"If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."
| This message is a reply to: | | | Message 437 by Panda, posted 11-09-2011 7:22 PM | | Panda has seen this message but not replied |
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subbie
Member (Idle past 1282 days) Posts: 3509 Joined: 02-26-2006
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Message 439 of 553 (640700)
11-11-2011 9:16 PM
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OMG
Just in case you wanted to buy one.
Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. -- Thomas Jefferson We see monsters where science shows us windmills. -- Phat It has always struck me as odd that fundies devote so much time and effort into trying to find a naturalistic explanation for their mythical flood, while looking for magical explanations for things that actually happened. -- Dr. Adequate ...creationists have a great way to detect fraud and it doesn't take 8 or 40 years or even a scientific degree to spot the fraud--'if it disagrees with the bible then it is wrong'.... -- archaeologist
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Omnivorous
Member Posts: 3990 From: Adirondackia Joined: 07-21-2005 Member Rating: 6.9
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Message 440 of 553 (640771)
11-12-2011 9:34 PM
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My First Fan Letter
Here's a letter I received from the local elementary school yesterday. Our town gives a small property tax break to war-time vets, so I assume they worked from the tax rolls.
quote:
Dear Veteran Thank you for useing your time to serve our country. I want to know all about you like what country fought the hardest. What is your favorite thing about being a veteran. What is your favorite kind of weapon. What is your favorite country besides Unided States. do you injoy helping the country. Wish you luck! from your biggest fan
Brandon
I'm working on a reply. Once I settle on a favorite weapon, I think I can wrap it up.
"If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."
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Shield
Member (Idle past 2890 days) Posts: 482 Joined: 01-29-2008
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Message 441 of 553 (640777)
11-13-2011 4:31 AM
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Fans
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hooah212002
Member (Idle past 829 days) Posts: 3193 Joined: 08-12-2009
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Message 442 of 553 (640913)
11-14-2011 9:25 AM
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Evolution and Turkey Day
"Why don't you call upon your God to strike me? Oh, I forgot it's because he's fake like Thor, so bite me" -Greydon Square
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onifre
Member (Idle past 2978 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: 02-20-2008
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Re: My First Fan Letter
Let me help, Omni:
quote:
Dear Brandon (my biggest fan), Thank you so much for taking the time to ackowledge a vet, I assume other than writing this letter you could have be sleeping in class. So thanks again. The country that fought the hardest is of course none of them. The Unided States has the biggest cock kid, you'd know that if you listened to enough Toby Keith. The best thing about being a vet is, strippers really treat you nice when you let them know about your service. Trust me, the VIP room is extra VIP if you know what I mean...you prolly don't...queer. I used to like helping the country till all the Mexicans moved in; with them, and all the blacks, I really don't know what I'm fighting for. I have no favorite country besides the Unided States, and frankly, I'm not so much enjoying this one either. If I could, I'd start my own country with ONLY Americans, like the good Lord intended. Well take care and get back to ignoring your liberal, commie, gay-loving public school teacher, and I hope one day to call you a vet too. PS. My favorite weapon is ALL of them. Specifically the ones designed to kill things. You'd know that if you listened to enough Toby Keith.
Oni Edited by onifre, : No reason given. Edited by onifre, : No reason given.
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New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member
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Re: My First Fan Letter
Once I settle on a favorite weapon, I think I can wrap it up. How about the Long Sword? They're pretty sweet.
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frako
Member (Idle past 333 days) Posts: 2932 From: slovenija Joined: 09-04-2010
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Re: My First Fan Letter
How about the Long Sword? They're pretty sweet. Longswords are heavy and unwieldy, the katana is the pinnacle of swords. My favorite weapon and always will be is the AK-47 the plastic toy guns Americans make dont come close in comparison and you know it. 
Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand
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New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member
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Message 446 of 553 (640926)
11-14-2011 12:24 PM
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Reply to: Message 445 by frako
11-14-2011 11:29 AM
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Re: My First Fan Letter
Longswords are heavy and unwieldy, the katana is the pinnacle of swords. Yeah, the katana is sweet... the Long Sword is wieldly if you have the proper counter-balance under the hilt.
My favorite weapon and always will be is the AK-47 the plastic toy guns Americans make dont come close in comparison and you know it. I tore the shit out of some pumkins with an AK-47  Its pretty inaccurate though... I did about as well shooting from the hip as I did aiming down the sights: Accuracy by volume!
| This message is a reply to: | | | Message 445 by frako, posted 11-14-2011 11:29 AM | | frako has replied |
| Replies to this message: | | | Message 447 by frako, posted 11-14-2011 12:32 PM | | New Cat's Eye has replied |
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frako
Member (Idle past 333 days) Posts: 2932 From: slovenija Joined: 09-04-2010
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Re: My First Fan Letter
Its pretty inaccurate though... I did about as well shooting from the hip as I did aiming down the sights: Accuracy by volume! Its about as accurate as a 90 year old woman playing darts (inf full burst mode) , but unlike other guns you can grab the ak by the barrel use it as a club to beat someone in to a pile of goo turn it around again and it will fire like the day they made it at the factory. Edited by frako, : No reason given.
Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand
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New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member
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Message 448 of 553 (640928)
11-14-2011 12:43 PM
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Reply to: Message 447 by frako
11-14-2011 12:32 PM
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Its about as accurate as a 90 year old woman playing darts (inf full burst mode) Its about as accurate as peeing into a toilet with an errection...
but unlike other guns you can grab the ak by the barrel use it as a club to beat someone in to a pile of goo turn it around again and it will fire like the day they made it at the factory. Kinda like my Glock, it just always works. Although, beating someone with it would be less effective... heh, reminds me of Homer Simpson: "Mmmmmm, pistol whip"
| This message is a reply to: | | | Message 447 by frako, posted 11-14-2011 12:32 PM | | frako has not replied |
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Omnivorous
Member Posts: 3990 From: Adirondackia Joined: 07-21-2005 Member Rating: 6.9
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Message 449 of 553 (640941)
11-14-2011 3:26 PM
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Reply to: Message 443 by onifre
11-14-2011 10:29 AM
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Re: My First Fan Letter
I think Brandon is already leaning in that direction. I was thinking of nudging him the other way by suggesting that respect is the greatest American weapon...  Nah, it's got to be either plague corpses catapulted over city walls or smallpox blankets handed out to indigenous tribes, though dead sheep down the well last a long time. It's hard to beat germ warfare on bang for the buck.
"If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."
| This message is a reply to: | | | Message 443 by onifre, posted 11-14-2011 10:29 AM | | onifre has not replied |
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Omnivorous
Member Posts: 3990 From: Adirondackia Joined: 07-21-2005 Member Rating: 6.9
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Re: My First Fan Letter
CS writes: Once I settle on a favorite weapon, I think I can wrap it up. How about the Long Sword? They're pretty sweet. Real preferences: Home defense: Shotgun. That barrel looks like a drain pipe from the wrong end. Accuracy is gauged by "Was he in the room?" Unarmed one-on-one: Quarterstaff. I can make one, and I discovered in basic training that I have a gift for smacking people with sticks. Plus, I really liked it. Forest/jungle: Bow and arrow. I can make both, it's hard to tell where the shot came from, and good gear has great range. Open terrain: Tank.
"If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."
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