Not so sure this is good enough (being very old and trod-on dirt from way back, but):
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After a while it gets tedious. Some of the ones I liked:
"When your cat has fallen asleep on
your lap and looks utterly content and adorable you will
suddenly have to go to the bathroom."
"The cream rises to the top.
So does the scum."
"The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the
time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent."
"In order to get a loan you must
first prove you don't need it."
"IMBESI'S LAW OF THE CONSERVATION OF FILTH
In order for something to become clean, something else
must become dirty."
"The first bug to hit a clean
windshield lands directly in front of your eyes."
....at which point
I must ask "what was the last thing that come out of the bug's mouth when he hit the windshield?"
- xongsmith, 5.7d