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Author Topic:   Humour VI
Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 4001
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005


Message 54 of 553 (606918)
02-28-2011 11:51 PM
Reply to: Message 53 by Minnemooseus
02-28-2011 10:49 PM


Re: Polka Dot Undies
Well.
After Bowser and Blue performed Polka Dot Undies, had you suffered through "The Colorectal Surgeon" and "Bumdarts" you could have seen and offered us "Life Will Be Great (When We're Dead)" which, dealing as it does with suicide bombers, at least would have been relevant to this site.
I watched them all. I have been maimed.
They're decent guitarists and singers, though. I wonder what went wrong.


Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?
-Shakespeare
Real things always push back.
-William James

This message is a reply to:
 Message 53 by Minnemooseus, posted 02-28-2011 10:49 PM Minnemooseus has seen this message but not replied

Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 4001
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005


(1)
Message 71 of 553 (608631)
03-11-2011 10:21 PM
Reply to: Message 69 by Percy
03-11-2011 5:29 PM


Re: Friday Conundrum
I've always assumed those technical errors invalidated the whole thing.


Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?
-Shakespeare
Real things always push back.
-William James

This message is a reply to:
 Message 69 by Percy, posted 03-11-2011 5:29 PM Percy has seen this message but not replied

Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 4001
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005


Message 232 of 553 (620960)
06-21-2011 9:07 PM
Reply to: Message 229 by Itinerant Lurker
06-17-2011 4:11 PM


Basta Lurker
Why is this supposed to be funny?


Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?
-Shakespeare
Real things always push back.
-William James

This message is a reply to:
 Message 229 by Itinerant Lurker, posted 06-17-2011 4:11 PM Itinerant Lurker has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 234 by New Cat's Eye, posted 06-22-2011 10:26 AM Omnivorous has not replied

Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 4001
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005


Message 233 of 553 (620961)
06-21-2011 9:15 PM


Hey arach!
Hey arach! I hope you've enjoyed your attempts at discussion!


Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?
-Shakespeare
Real things always push back.
-William James

Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 4001
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005


Message 387 of 553 (637317)
10-14-2011 8:21 PM
Reply to: Message 386 by frako
10-14-2011 6:56 PM


The lack of distinction for Scotland and Wales is offensive.

"If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."

This message is a reply to:
 Message 386 by frako, posted 10-14-2011 6:56 PM frako has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 388 by frako, posted 10-14-2011 9:19 PM Omnivorous has not replied

Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 4001
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005


Message 432 of 553 (640335)
11-08-2011 6:25 PM
Reply to: Message 429 by frako
11-08-2011 12:44 PM


American Christians like that old-time religion
A few years ago I listened to a radio interview with Sister Helen Prejean, the anti-death penalty activist nun portrayed in Dead Man Walking.
She said that when she does radio talk shows in the American South, many Christians call to disagree, and they invariably quote the Old Testament.
To paraphrase, she said:
"These people are Christians.
In the New Testament, Christ tells them there is a new covenant, and that killing is wrong.
But they cling instead to the Old Testament, because it gives them a license to kill."

"If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."

This message is a reply to:
 Message 429 by frako, posted 11-08-2011 12:44 PM frako has not replied

Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 4001
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005


Message 438 of 553 (640458)
11-09-2011 8:27 PM
Reply to: Message 437 by Panda
11-09-2011 7:22 PM


Panda writes:
Dr. A writes:
I see how you could bribe someone with prostitutes, but how do you sway him from the path of rectitude by offering him large hairpieces ... ?
For some reason I instantly thought of Silvio Berlusconi.
I see your Silvio and raise you Donald Trump.

"If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."

This message is a reply to:
 Message 437 by Panda, posted 11-09-2011 7:22 PM Panda has seen this message but not replied

Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 4001
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005


(1)
Message 440 of 553 (640771)
11-12-2011 9:34 PM


My First Fan Letter
Here's a letter I received from the local elementary school yesterday. Our town gives a small property tax break to war-time vets, so I assume they worked from the tax rolls.
quote:
Dear Veteran
Thank you for useing your time to serve our country. I want to know all about you like what country fought the hardest. What is your favorite thing about being a veteran. What is your favorite kind of weapon. What is your favorite country besides Unided States. do you injoy helping the country. Wish you luck!
from your biggest fan
Brandon
I'm working on a reply.
Once I settle on a favorite weapon, I think I can wrap it up.

"If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."

Replies to this message:
 Message 443 by onifre, posted 11-14-2011 10:29 AM Omnivorous has replied
 Message 444 by New Cat's Eye, posted 11-14-2011 11:23 AM Omnivorous has replied

Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 4001
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005


Message 449 of 553 (640941)
11-14-2011 3:26 PM
Reply to: Message 443 by onifre
11-14-2011 10:29 AM


Re: My First Fan Letter
I think Brandon is already leaning in that direction.
I was thinking of nudging him the other way by suggesting that respect is the greatest American weapon...
Nah, it's got to be either plague corpses catapulted over city walls or smallpox blankets handed out to indigenous tribes, though dead sheep down the well last a long time.
It's hard to beat germ warfare on bang for the buck.

"If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."

This message is a reply to:
 Message 443 by onifre, posted 11-14-2011 10:29 AM onifre has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 451 by frako, posted 11-14-2011 3:41 PM Omnivorous has not replied
 Message 456 by Dr Adequate, posted 11-14-2011 11:43 PM Omnivorous has replied

Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 4001
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005


(1)
Message 450 of 553 (640942)
11-14-2011 3:37 PM
Reply to: Message 444 by New Cat's Eye
11-14-2011 11:23 AM


Re: My First Fan Letter
CS writes:
Once I settle on a favorite weapon, I think I can wrap it up.
How about the Long Sword? They're pretty sweet.
Real preferences:
Home defense: Shotgun. That barrel looks like a drain pipe from the wrong end. Accuracy is gauged by "Was he in the room?"
Unarmed one-on-one: Quarterstaff. I can make one, and I discovered in basic training that I have a gift for smacking people with sticks. Plus, I really liked it.
Forest/jungle: Bow and arrow. I can make both, it's hard to tell where the shot came from, and good gear has great range.
Open terrain: Tank.

"If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."

This message is a reply to:
 Message 444 by New Cat's Eye, posted 11-14-2011 11:23 AM New Cat's Eye has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 453 by New Cat's Eye, posted 11-14-2011 3:53 PM Omnivorous has not replied

Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 4001
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005


Message 457 of 553 (640981)
11-15-2011 12:04 AM
Reply to: Message 456 by Dr Adequate
11-14-2011 11:43 PM


Re: Favorite Weapon
Dr A writes:
I'm fond of the caltrop. Because the correct way to deploy it is to drop it and run away.
Indeed. My favorite battles were never fought.
Contrary to frako's advice on bar fights (to fling the slightest fellow within reach at the aggressors), I find instead that the best maneuver is the preemptive door step.
Failing access to the primary door, the bathroom door works well: hardly any man, even one martially aroused and battle-ready drunk, can, in easy conscience, attempt to break down the bathroom door when another man is inside.

"If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."

This message is a reply to:
 Message 456 by Dr Adequate, posted 11-14-2011 11:43 PM Dr Adequate has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 459 by frako, posted 11-15-2011 4:33 AM Omnivorous has not replied

Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 4001
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005


Message 477 of 553 (641967)
11-24-2011 11:57 AM
Reply to: Message 476 by Shield
11-24-2011 11:30 AM


Re: Fox News is not better than nothing
I wasn't sure what to think at first, but, damn, scooters are hardcore.

"If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."

This message is a reply to:
 Message 476 by Shield, posted 11-24-2011 11:30 AM Shield has seen this message but not replied

Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 4001
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005


(2)
Message 503 of 553 (643712)
12-10-2011 9:17 PM


The Real Thing
So I'm going somewhere with my wife I don't want to go, but I said I'd go.
She says I don't have to go if I don't want to go.
I say. I said I'd go, I'll go.
We go. I'm bitching from the moment we get in the car.
Finally, she slams on the brakes and screams, "Why are you acting like an asshole?!"
I scream back, "I'M NOT ACTING!"
We sat there and laughed for five minutes. Had a great night.

"If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."

Replies to this message:
 Message 504 by Dogmafood, posted 12-11-2011 9:41 AM Omnivorous has not replied

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