I need an answer

https://www.youtube.com/user/evid3nc3?blend=1&ob=4#p/c/A0...I will recommend you to watch the seria "Why I am no longer a Christian". Personally, since I am an atheist/agnostic person, his videos helped me to understand the minds of Christians with greater dept than before. Without guessing to much, I guess you will see many similarities in what you are experiencing and what he went through.To tell you what believers might call a "hidden agenda" then yes; I think, if you are somehow a reasonable person, this will speed-up you deconversion. Now you know it and now you can choose whether you want to watch his videos or not. However, I think you will be a happier person than you seem to be now.