School Questions

A more serious reply than my last (granulated--Hee Hee!)From your posts you seem to have a level head on your shoulders and get along with adults (at least in this format).Your "peers" are juveniles right now, and some of them will stay that way for a long time. Most others will successfully transition to being adults before too long.Presumable you will get along with them better at that time.If you mean by "socially inept" that you are shy and don't fit in well with your peers, that is not very uncommon. Most folks your age are shy, and envious of the few who aren't. It is a temporary condition.Solution: associate with those with whom you feel comfortable. As long as they aren't total hermits or gay bikers doing drugs you'll get along fine.(And if you haven't already, get rid of the pocket protector!)

What's wrong with gay bikers?

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You are 15? Where's the fainting smilie? Holy smokes. You'll be fine. All the smart people are socially inept, anyway.

I should think that, this being 2010, there are probably websites reviewing schools.At least there's a lot better odds of there being such a website than there are of one of us having been to the precise school that you're contemplating going to.As to the possibility of you being a "token black", my googling shows that PEA has 13% "students of color" as opposed to a 9% average for other schools in the state --- so you will not be a "token" in the sense that they need you to pad out their score to help them prove that they're not racist.This statistic also suggests that (see my first point) it wouldn't be too hard for you to find some black graduates of PEA who could tell you all about this point in some detail.Nowadays, nearly everything anyone wants to know can be answered by judicious use of the internet. Where, in this case, "judicious" means not asking this question of the EvC forum.

So you're a closed teenager uncomfortable in new social situations. So what else is new. Don't feel alone. Teenagers are like that. You may not think you suffer your peers gladly but you know (you ain't stupid) your peers are living feeling human beings just as you.I received some advice as a young man, free and (as always) worth every penny. I'll take this opportunity to try to pay it forward.The way for you to feel comfortable in a new social situation is to make the others around you comfortable with you. The non-verbals control. The expressions, body language, are all picked up on a subconscious level and almost all people will respond in a friendly comfortable manner to a friendly comfortable person. This is not easy to do, especially for a socially innocent teen but, if followed, you may be amazed at how well this works. Like all traits, when this becomes habit you will not be trying to be a comfortable friendly person anymore, you will indeed be a comfortably friendly person.First the meet and greet. You'll notice that in a first meeting most teens will glance at the new person then avert their eyes shy, uncomfortable, intimidated. Don't do that. Look the new friend in the eyes (not a hard stare mind you), give a slight smile, maybe a slight nod, say Hi and repeat their name.[aside] Note the repeat their name. Just to emphasize the importance ... repeat their name. [/aside]Here is the hard part: Do not look away until they react. They may look away or return your smile. Regardless, that first friendly contact will set a positive in their minds. This will be reflected in their non-verbals towards you (most of which you will be totally unaware) but a comfort level will result between you.Practicing this will help calm and comfort you (at least somewhat) when it comes to meeting those most intimidating of creatures ever evolved on this planet — pretty teen age girls.Second, teenage boys do not shake hands outside the formal social requirements. The advice is to stop not doing that. When you meet someone, especially a peer you judge may become a friend, extend your hand. I know this seems old and stodgy but make the contact anyway. Again, touch.Even after you have made friends make liberal use of the handshake. It will probably evolve into something like a high-five followed by a low-five, some knuckle banging coupled with thumb bobbing followed by flapping around like a bird, or whatever passes as a hand shake these days, but make the contact. Touch. When you first meet them in the morning, do the thing. When you go your separate ways, do the thing. Make this a comfortable standard part of your personality.Third, become a touchy-feely person. When talking with someone take the opportunity for an innocent friendly touch on the arm. There are those who abhor being touched in any manner and you will find these people and avoid them, but for the vast majority of humans a simple innocent touch has great comforting effects and the person you touch while knowing they have been touched is not consciously aware of how they have just been positively affected.Despite the innuendo others are thinking right now, you do need to be careful doing this with the girls. Like teenage boys, teenage girls are walking hormone geysers and for some a simple innocent touch can send her up a wall. And you may end up with your own unwanted bulging embarrassment. Not good for a first contact.Humor is always good. You already have a well developed sense of humor. I can tell it is well ingrained in your personality. You can't help it. You will find the humor in a situation and you will crack a joke. Take this opportunity to smile and touch. Note, there is that touch thing again.Your humor is intellectual. Keep it there. As long as you can recognize where humor is not appropriate, let it all hang out (all things in moderation, of course). It also can help you identify your intellectual peers. You can separate out those that can follow from those that cannot.Why all the touching? As stated human physical contact is psychologically powerful. A innocent friendly touch in a passing conversation, especially with new people, will be a positive in their mind. Without even knowing it they will respond in a more relaxed and comfortable manner. With their relaxed friendly non-verbals playing on your own psyche you will find yourself ever more relaxed and may, surprise, surprise, even feel sociable.You have made friends here at EvC. Come back often and let us know how you're doing. Best of luck to you my young friend.Now go touch someone.

I suppose just taking them for who they are is completely out of the question?No. Avoid them. They're like lepers.Or rape victims, or something like that, but I guess they were asking for it.Sheesh.

No. Nothing like that. Just not enough time or space for qualifiers.Relax, Dr.Nothing so intended.

OK, but you went out of your way to say that such people should be avoided. You needn't have said so. Not saying so would have taken even less "time or space". If you'd been a bit lazier and more casual with your advice, you'd have been less wrong. Instead you took the time and space to state that such people should be shunned --- as an explicit rule that you were passing down to a teenager as to how to live his life.Once more, I say: "Sheesh".Edited by Dr Adequate, : No reason given.

DP.Edited by Dr Adequate, : No reason given.Edited by Dr Adequate, : No reason given.

A socially awkward teenager??? Who's ever heard of such a thing!? You'll be fine. Life is a journey and a trial by fire. You gotta walk through the flames to reach the glory. Be witty, but don't sound like you're trying to impress them. That may come off as smug and elitist.I don't know, dude. Just be yourself... Unless of course your self is the problem Nope... Nor do I know anyone who is/was a student. An excellent school, though. Make the most of it. All of life is to some degree cliquey. Better get used that inevitable fact now. I'm sure there is no shortage of finding like-minded friends, though. Well, New Hampshire doesn't have too many black people. And judging by your use of the word "mum" as opposed to "mom" I'm going to assume you are also British. With those two minority positions, you might become a bit of a novelty. Not in a bad way, but I imagine being the token black guy might get old, but I highly doubt you would be treated poorly. If anything, you run the risk of being patronized (which would annoy me). Eh, don't worry about it too much. Just study hard and make the most of your college yearsEdited by Hyroglyphx, : No reason given.

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"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from mistaken conviction." — Blaise Pascal

I don't know, Paul. There is a delicate and intricate balance in sociology. Women tend to get away with this more than men in meeting situations. We are talking about initial greetings, right? If you start touching people on the arm the first second you meet them, especially a girl, she may take that as the veritable "I want to have sex with you," which is good if it is reciprocated. But you obviously don't want to be too eager. A woman loves a challenge and confidence. If they sense that you could go your whole life not fucking and be just fine, this gives them more incentive to entice you.A woman will touch a man if she is attracted to him (socially acceptable body language). Men aren't allowed to do that as much, and if they do, it has to seem incidental. Body language is powerful. If wielded incorrectly you could creep them out.

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"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from mistaken conviction." — Blaise Pascal

That statistical long shot was one of several interesting things I noticed about the O.P., especially as I'm sure that lyx would be aware that it's a long shot.However, reading between the lines, I think he knows quite a lot about the school he's going to, and he was perhaps expecting us to comment on the unusual place that it is.Everyone on EvC will have heard of some of its ex-students, and the place itself is very well known, even if the name doesn't immediately ring a bell.My judicious googling told me that I'd once read a novel written by an ex-student that was partially set there. I've also read three novels by another ex-student. The name of yet another sometimes crops up here on EvC, and he could be described as a major player in the U.S. Evo vs. Creo debate. You'll certainly know a bit about him.I'm a foreigner, and found that I had sort of crossed paths with the place during my life so, although finding an ex-student here would be a long shot, lyx could well expect some opinions on the place he's going to from fellow Americans. It is one of the most richly endowed schools in the U.S., and spends about $70,000 per. year on each student, nearly double the fees they pay, and more than many U.S. families (and some whole villages in poor countries) have to live off.It was a ruling class school, although in more egalitarian times we might not call it that now. Presidents sent their sons there, and it has produced one president and loads of congressmen.But, apart from RAZD making a comment about history, and my own brief comments, no-one has really done what I'm guessing lyx might have wanted us to do, and discuss the specific place.Here's something interesting which, as you rightly point out to him, he could have found out for himself.During the civil war, three students from Kentucky complained about the presence of a black student. The principal told them that the student was staying, and they could leave if they didn't like it.In modern times, the non-white proportion of the school is 38% (not 13%), and 8% are black. The students come from 26 different countries.Another thing the school's known for is pioneering the Harkness education system, which I'd heard of, although I didn't know where it came from. HereWhat might be interesting (and amusing) would be if lyx chooses to keep us informed of his experiences when he goes there.

I noticed the "mum" as well, and was thinking of asking why an American would use that spelling. But lyx is definitely American, because he goes through schools in grades, and usually leaves U's out of words (like favour), rather than sticking them in.And he won't be a novelty at the school because of anything about his ethnicity, although he would have been 150 years ago (see above - civil war bit).

It's common for people from the Boston/Mass area to use 'mum' instead of 'mom'.I still think he's not a kid...I always thought this. This whole thread has the foul stench of bullshit.- OniEdited by onifre, : No reason given.Edited by onifre, : No reason given.

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Yeah I vaguely remember you saying this elsewhere previously. I had forgotten about that and I remain surprised at his stated age. You remain the master of cynicism in all it's forms. But having said that my bullshit detectors were given a bit of a tingle by this thread too. Maybe we are just being too doubting? On what do you base your conclusion? Subjective "evidence"? "DIE CYNICS FOR YOU WILL BE JUDGED" as Davey boy would say.