Humor

OK American football fans - How about those Vikings?The perfect ending to a goofy season. Go Packers!Moose

YE HA, that was great wasn't it (Wisconsinite can't ya tell)------------------
Asgara
"An unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates via Plato

A friend just posted this one and I had to share it. Enjoy!An Irishman's Last MealAn elderly Irishman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agony of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite
chocolatechip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength andlifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen.Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was itheaven or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table,landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his
wife...... "Fuck off" she said, "they're for the funeral."

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Common sense isn't

Wonderful!Probably worth a "POTM" nomination, and possibly a good starting point for a new topic.Moose

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Professor, geology, Whatsamatta U
Evolution - Changes in the environment, caused by the interactions of the components of the environment.
"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer." - Bruce Graham

Bob and God continued.....So Bob says,
" Well God, I've always looked at myself with great pride, and though I've never believed in you, I can quite confidently tell you that I've always paid my taxes and kept my feelings off the street. Also, I enjoy it when the rain comes as it washes the riff raff off the pavement. So, am I going upstairs or down? "
" Well Bob, the problem is you're well, a..... snob Bob, also you are evolutionist and believe people are related to apes. "
" But God, the problem is - Dan Carrol has convinced me that only smartasses are the ones whom are not descendants of.... apes. "
" So basically Bob, you are a descendant of an ape because you pay taxes? "
" Shoot, you son of a bitch... you got me again "
God - " Ha ha ha, couldn't resist it Bob, next time leave your feelings off the street, you snobby little ape ass "
God 1. Bob 0To be continued.........

God: Mike Mike Mike. Whatever am I going to do with you? Slandering my name again!
Mike: Awww c'mon, God! You know my heart! I was only trying to make people laugh!
God:Yes, but now all of the religious folks are upset. They are already mad at the evolutionists and you are not being very helpful!
Mike: OK, Big Guy! Wait until you hear my NEXT joke! It will be better, I promise!
God: I know...I've already heard it.

Hey, you do know I'm Christian right?I don't recall slandering God, it was a joke at Bob's expense, you know, ha ha ha, hehehe, - laughter.

Aww Mike you know I love you and everyone else! How could I even stand some of the folks I meet without Gods love? I deduced that you were a Christian...otherwise you would not have got the joke.
I had to say it when I read "Bob and God."

Ok, Mike gets it but Bob doesn't.. He's off to track his ancestors down on aperelatives.ass.

Bob needs to join the church. We don't pay taxes!

Heh heh.I'm a Philosopher/Scientist!

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Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?

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Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons

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"Perhaps you should take your furs and your literal interpretations to the other side of the river."
-Anya

Heard this one today, thought I would share it with the room.George W. Bush is doing a PR session, talking to a second grade class. He goes on about civic pride, about democracy, etc. etc. At the end of the talk, he asks, "Are there any questions?"A little boy raises his hand, and Bush says, "yes, what's your name?"The boy says, "My name is Billy. I have three questions.1) Why are you president when Al Gore got more votes?
2) Why doesn't my daddy have a job?
3) Why did we invade Iraq when they didn't have weapons?"Bush responds to the little boy, "Those are very good, very grown-up questions, Billy, and I have answers for you."Suddenly the recess bell rings, and the children all run out of the classroom. When they come back, Bush is still there. He says to the children, "As I was saying, are there any questions?"A little boy raises his hand, and Bush says, "yes, what's your name?"The boy says, "My name is Eddie. I have five questions.1) Why are you president when Al Gore got more votes?
2) Why doesn't my daddy have a job?
3) Why did we invade Iraq when they didn't have weapons?
4) Why did the recess bell ring twenty minutes early?
5) Where the f*ck is Billy?"[This message has been edited by Dan Carroll, 02-20-2004]

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"Perhaps you should take your furs and your literal interpretations to the other side of the river."
-Anya

Not related to the forum, but thought I would share it here. Here it goes:A bus stops and two Italian men get on.They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting
behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when
she hears one of the men say the following:- "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice. Then I come one lasta time."- "You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. - "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"- "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a
justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'." -Hope you like it.From My Symbian – Symbian, Android, IOS Devices Apps Reviews

Another one, got somewhere from a forum:A drunk man decides to leave a bar. He gets off his stool, falls over. He crawls to the door, gets up, falls over. He crawls all the way to his house. Gets up at the door, falls over. Crawls up the stairs, gets up, falls over. And finally crawls into his room.The following morning his wife recieved a call from the BarManager. She goes up to him and says. "It's the BarManager, You've left your wheelchair there again."(I'm sorry, if somebody offended by it).