Humor

Well, the debate is over. Turns out there is a God.And he's got a wicked sense of humor. ------------------
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Dan Carroll

God is a Klingon?...aha..that explains a lot

A quick joke that I was told by a student last week.I will condense it as he went on and on, but the gist is this.A bishop visits a high school and is having a chat with a class full of kids.He asks the first one what his beliefs are and he says that he is a Christian, reborn by the Blood of Christ, saved by his sacrifice and grace.The Bishop then asked the next child, he said much the same.After asking a few he comes to this boy.Bishop 'Well my son what is your faith'Boy 'I am an atheist sir'Bishop 'an atheist, God help you, why are you an atheist?'Boy 'Well my dad is an atheist'Bishop 'Oh so your dad is an atheist so that makes you an athiest'Boy 'Well I suppose so'Bishop 'Well what if your dad was a wife beater, or a racist, or spread lies, or beat up his children?'Boy 'Ah, well then I would be a Christian'

Heh heh. I gotta steal that one. A little more humor, a little more related to the forum.------------------
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Dan Carroll

Where do pets come from?
--------------------A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."And God created a new animal to be a ompanion for Adam and Eve.And it was a good animal.And God was pleased.And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.And they were comforted.And God was pleased.And Dog was content and wagged his tail.After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."And God said, "No problem! I willcreate for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."And God reated CATto be a companion to Adam and Eve.And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.And Adam and Eve learned humility.And they were greatly improved.And God was pleased.And Dog was happy.And Cat didn't give a damn one way or the other.

As was pointed out by some great philosopher whose name escapes me:"Dogs have owners. Cats have staff."Sums it up nicely, don't you think?

An astrologer came up to a scientist and asked her: "What sign are you?", whereupon she replied dryly: "I am a do-not-disturb sign."

Here's a good one:The world's top scientists were holding a meeting. Going over all the incredible scientific advances in the last century, they concluded that with all the power humankind had achieved, they just didn't need God anymore. One of their most distinguished representatives was delegated to break the news to God.The scientist went to God and said, "God, we no longer require you. Science has progressed to the point where we can do it all on our own."God said, "Oh? Let's have a man-making contest to see whom needs whom. Whoever creates the best man wins.""Sure," said the scientist, and bent down to pick up some dirt.God interrupted: "Let's do this the old-fashioned way. Get your own dirt."

Top!

Upon which the scientist replied,"I don't see your name on it."------------------
Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn!

So, this family's cat has a litter of kittens. Their daughter takes to them immediately. A couple days later, a visitor arrives, and, of course, the little girl has to bring them in to see the kittens."These are my creationist kittens!", the girl says.The visitor rolls his eyes and smiles, deciding to humor the girl. A few months later, the same visitor stops by again, and of course, the girl is still enthralled by her kittens. She drags the visitor yet again over to see the kittens."Look, my evolutionist kittens are starting to walk around!", she says."I thought these were your creationist kittens?", the visitor asks."Oh, they were," says the girl, "but that was only when their eyes were closed."------------------
"Illuminant light,
illuminate me."

Stop me if you've heard this one. Jesus Christ walks into an inn. He hands the innkeeper three nails, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"(from "The Crow")(entries I made in a photoediting contest. Sacrilicious, ne?)------------------
"Illuminant light,
illuminate me."[This message has been edited by the Lord Jesus Christ the Savior, 12-25-33][This message has been edited by Rei, 10-03-2003]

Guess I will throw one in here too.Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted to heaven. St. Peter asks the first man his name, where he is from, and what he did in life. The man answers that he is John Smith and that he was a taxi driver in New York City. St. Peter looks through his book, then gives the man a luxurious silken robe and a golden staff, and bids him welcome into heaven for his eternal reward. St. Peter then asks the second man the same questions. He replies that his name is Thomas Malley, and that he was a Catholic priest in Chicago. St. Peter looks in his book, then gives him a cotton robe and a wooden staff, and bids him to enter into heaven for his eternal reward. Father Malley says, Wait a minute! Why did that taxi driver get a silken robe and golden staff while I, a Catholic Priest and a man of The Lord, got a cotton robe and wooden staff? St. Peter told him that the rewards in heaven are based on results, and while Father Malley preached, people slept, but while John Smith drove, people prayed!A

Don't forget the one about what shoes Jesus wore when he walked up the hillside be crucified... cross-trainers!

BOoOOooOOOO!!!