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Author Topic:   satire in song, sorry Warren...
xongsmith
Member
Posts: 2242
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009
Member Rating: 3.5


Message 1 of 42 (893054)
03-25-2022 3:32 AM


i need some help fixing this up:

Yo ho ho in a Florida dump
Hoist your golf club, here is Trump
Making room at Mar-a-lago for Vladimir
You're his witness
Trump's your Putineer

Mein Kampf stands on his own night table
He's commending Hitler when he's able
Says he always admires Vladimir
You're his witness
Trump's your Putineer

Long ago we laughed at his eyes
But voters voted and he began the Lies
Who'd have thought we'd ever wind up here
You're his witness
Trump's your Putineer

So now he's running to rock the boat
Some may sink but we still can vote
Grab your coat, let's mark our ballot here
You're his witness
Trump's your Putineer
You're his witness
Trump's your Putineer
Trump's your Putineer


"I'm the Grim Reaper now, Mitch. Step aside."

Death to #TzarVladimirtheCondemned!

- xongsmith, 5.7dawkins scale


Replies to this message:
 Message 2 by xongsmith, posted 03-25-2022 8:25 AM xongsmith has replied

  
xongsmith
Member
Posts: 2242
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009
Member Rating: 3.5


(2)
Message 2 of 42 (893065)
03-25-2022 8:25 AM
Reply to: Message 1 by xongsmith
03-25-2022 3:32 AM


Our Putineer
ok, some adjustments:

Yo ho ho! from a Florida dump
Hoist your golf club, here is Trump
Reserving Mar-a-lago for Vladimir
While we all witness
Trump's our Putineer

Mein Kampf stands on his own night table
He's praising Hitler when he's able
Says he always admires Vladimir
And we all witness
Trump's our Putineer

Long ago we laughed up in his eyes
But voters voted and he began the Lies
Who'd have thought we'd ever wind up here
As we all witness
Trump's our Putineer

So now he's running to rock the boat
Some may sink but we still can vote
Grab your coat, let's mark our ballot here
As we all witness
Trump's our Putineer
As we all witness
Trump's our Putineer
Trump's our Putineer


"I'm the Grim Reaper now, Mitch. Step aside."

Death to #TzarVladimirtheCondemned!

- xongsmith, 5.7dawkins scale


This message is a reply to:
 Message 1 by xongsmith, posted 03-25-2022 3:32 AM xongsmith has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 3 by Phat, posted 03-25-2022 9:38 AM xongsmith has replied
 Message 4 by Stile, posted 03-25-2022 9:50 AM xongsmith has not replied
 Message 42 by xongsmith, posted 08-12-2022 6:32 PM xongsmith has not replied

  
Phat
Member
Posts: 16085
From: Denver,Colorado USA
Joined: 12-30-2003


Message 3 of 42 (893066)
03-25-2022 9:38 AM
Reply to: Message 2 by xongsmith
03-25-2022 8:25 AM


Re: Our Putineer
Putin it in, I see! So what song accompanies the lyrics?

Edited by Phat, : No reason given.


"A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." ~Mark Twain "
***
“…far from science having buried God, not only do the results of science point towards his existence, but the scientific enterprise itself is validated by his existence.”- Dr.John Lennox

“A God without wrath brought men without sin into a Kingdom without judgment through the ministrations of a Christ without a Cross.”
H. Richard Niebuhr, The Kingdom of God in America

“The most difficult subjects can be explained to the most slow-witted man if he has not formed any idea of them already; but the simplest thing cannot be made clear to the most intelligent man if he is firmly persuaded that he knows already, without a shadow of a doubt, what is laid before him.” — Leo Tolstoy, The Kingdom of God is Within You
(1894).


This message is a reply to:
 Message 2 by xongsmith, posted 03-25-2022 8:25 AM xongsmith has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 6 by xongsmith, posted 03-25-2022 9:29 PM Phat has not replied

  
Stile
Member
Posts: 4083
From: Ontario, Canada
Joined: 12-02-2004
Member Rating: 4.6


Message 4 of 42 (893067)
03-25-2022 9:50 AM
Reply to: Message 2 by xongsmith
03-25-2022 8:25 AM


Re: Our Putineer
I'm not sure what tune it's supposed to go with, so it's difficult for me to judge it's "flow" (not that I'm any sort of expert at that anyway...)

But I suggest keeping an eye on your syllable-count.
When certain lines should be "about the same" in whatever-tune-you're-carrying... if the syllable-count is too far off, then it's just not going to "flow."

I'm trying to say something like this:

My letters "A," "B," and "C" represent the same lines in your verses.
Each A should have a similar syllable count, as well with each B and each C - otherwise using the same tune (whatever it is) for each verse isn't going to "flow."

A - Yo ho ho! from a Florida dump
B - Hoist your golf club, here is Trump
C - Reserving Mar-a-lago for Vladimir

A - Mein Kampf stands on his own night table
B - He's praising Hitler when he's able
C - Says he always admires Vladimir

A - Long ago we laughed up in his eyes
B - But voters voted and he began the Lies
C - Who'd have thought we'd ever wind up here

A - So now he's running to rock the boat
B - Some may sink but we still can vote
C - Grab your coat, let's mark our ballot here

And here are your syllable counts:

A: 9; 9; 9; 9
B: 7; 9; 11; 8
C: 11; 10; 9; 9

So, from this I'm guessing:

The first line of each verse always seems to flow well.
The second line seems really varied in each verse - flow is difficult here.
The third line is strange in the first verse, but fairly smooth for the next 3 verses.

A "perfect poem" would have all the same syllables (kind of like a limerick's restrictions...)

A: 9; 9; 9; 9
B: 9; 9; 9; 9
C: 9; 9; 9; 9

But it also has to fit your tune.
It's much more important for "All A's" and "All B's" and "All C's" to have the same number of syllables than it is for A to match B and/or C. In fact, there are many who would say your song/poem is "boring" if A matches B and C.
So, there's nothing wrong with something like:

A: 9; 9; 9; 9
B: 10; 10; 10; 10
C: 9; 9; 9; 9

Or even if one line in one verse doesn't "fit in" perfectly - it likely won't matter.
But if all verses have a different number of syllables for the same line - it's very difficult for the flow to come off smooth.

Don't take this advice too much to heart - I'm certainly no song or poem writer. It's just what sticks out to me, is all.
Good luck and have fun!


This message is a reply to:
 Message 2 by xongsmith, posted 03-25-2022 8:25 AM xongsmith has not replied

Replies to this message:
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AZPaul3
Member
Posts: 6834
From: Phoenix
Joined: 11-06-2006
Member Rating: 3.4


Message 5 of 42 (893069)
03-25-2022 10:28 AM
Reply to: Message 4 by Stile
03-25-2022 9:50 AM


Re: Our Putineer
And since this has the advantages of being a visual medium the poet can use

spacing and

indent to

make a point.

Well, if there was,

if there was a point to be made. I wouldn't advise doing this without a reason; without some point to be communicated in doing so.

Without a good reason to do so

spacing can get

disjointed
unorganized
even sinister!

Boo, sinister!

Ok. I'll let you get back to your adult discussion now.


Stop Tzar Vladimir the Condemned!

This message is a reply to:
 Message 4 by Stile, posted 03-25-2022 9:50 AM Stile has seen this message but not replied

  
xongsmith
Member
Posts: 2242
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009
Member Rating: 3.5


Message 6 of 42 (893083)
03-25-2022 9:29 PM
Reply to: Message 3 by Phat
03-25-2022 9:38 AM


Re: Our Putineer
i cant believe EvC doesnt know of Warren Zevon's great song!

he played it on Dave Letterman's show right before he died:

Warren Zevon - Mutineer - His Last David Letterman Show - Part 2/4 (HD)

Enjoy every sandwich!


"I'm the Grim Reaper now, Mitch. Step aside."

Death to #TzarVladimirtheCondemned!

- xongsmith, 5.7dawkins scale


This message is a reply to:
 Message 3 by Phat, posted 03-25-2022 9:38 AM Phat has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 7 by xongsmith, posted 03-25-2022 9:39 PM xongsmith has not replied
 Message 8 by ringo, posted 03-26-2022 11:53 AM xongsmith has not replied

  
xongsmith
Member
Posts: 2242
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009
Member Rating: 3.5


Message 7 of 42 (893084)
03-25-2022 9:39 PM
Reply to: Message 6 by xongsmith
03-25-2022 9:29 PM


Re: Mutineer
even Bob Dylan covered it after Warren died:

Bob Dylan - Mutineer - Warren Zevon Cover Kingston RI 11/20/2002 STELLAR AUDIO!!

many have.


"I'm the Grim Reaper now, Mitch. Step aside."

Death to #TzarVladimirtheCondemned!

- xongsmith, 5.7dawkins scale


This message is a reply to:
 Message 6 by xongsmith, posted 03-25-2022 9:29 PM xongsmith has not replied

  
ringo
Member
Posts: 19752
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005
Member Rating: 2.9


Message 8 of 42 (893090)
03-26-2022 11:53 AM
Reply to: Message 6 by xongsmith
03-25-2022 9:29 PM


Re: Our Putineer
xongsmith writes:

i cant believe EvC doesnt know of Warren Zevon's great song!


As soon as you said "Warren", I was thinking of Warren Zevon. I was a big fan but back in the "Werewolves of London" and "Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner" days.

I never heard of "Mutineer". I may be missing some good stuff since I ignore almost all of the crap that poses as "music" these days. (I may be getting old.)


"I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man!"
-- Lucky Ned Pepper

This message is a reply to:
 Message 6 by xongsmith, posted 03-25-2022 9:29 PM xongsmith has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 9 by AZPaul3, posted 03-26-2022 4:04 PM ringo has seen this message but not replied
 Message 10 by Theodoric, posted 03-26-2022 4:22 PM ringo has seen this message but not replied

  
AZPaul3
Member
Posts: 6834
From: Phoenix
Joined: 11-06-2006
Member Rating: 3.4


(1)
Message 9 of 42 (893094)
03-26-2022 4:04 PM
Reply to: Message 8 by ringo
03-26-2022 11:53 AM


Re: Our Putineer
I guess you're not a fan of Justin ?, there are two of them aren't there? Timberlake and Baib, Beirbe, Beeper, what'is name.

Is there a difference?

No. No. I've heard biever beeper before and I don't really want to know.

All I know is the "Dead" their not. And the other one doesn't sound very pink to me either.

Edited by AZPaul3, : No reason given.


Stop Tzar Vladimir the Condemned!

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 Message 8 by ringo, posted 03-26-2022 11:53 AM ringo has seen this message but not replied

  
Theodoric
Member
Posts: 7416
From: Northwest, WI, USA
Joined: 08-15-2005
Member Rating: 2.7


(1)
Message 10 of 42 (893095)
03-26-2022 4:22 PM
Reply to: Message 8 by ringo
03-26-2022 11:53 AM


Warren
His last album, recorded while he was dying, is fantastic.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wind_(Warren_Zevon_album)

What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence. -Christopher Hitchens

Facts don't lie or have an agenda. Facts are just facts

"God did it" is not an argument. It is an excuse for intellectual laziness.

If your viewpoint has merits and facts to back it up why would you have to lie?


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Replies to this message:
 Message 11 by Percy, posted 03-27-2022 9:33 AM Theodoric has replied
 Message 17 by Omnivorous, posted 04-14-2022 9:36 PM Theodoric has replied

  
Percy
Member
Posts: 20967
From: New Hampshire
Joined: 12-23-2000
Member Rating: 3.1


Message 11 of 42 (893106)
03-27-2022 9:33 AM
Reply to: Message 10 by Theodoric
03-26-2022 4:22 PM


Re: Warren
Never heard of Warren Zevon. That's really him singing in the YouTube video? Sounds like Bob Dylan to me, so I would have assumed anything I heard on the radio by him was Dylan.

Looking him up on Wikipedia I must have heard a lot of stuff he either did or was directly involved with or wrote, I just never heard his name.

--Percy


This message is a reply to:
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Theodoric
Member
Posts: 7416
From: Northwest, WI, USA
Joined: 08-15-2005
Member Rating: 2.7


Message 12 of 42 (893109)
03-27-2022 10:31 AM
Reply to: Message 11 by Percy
03-27-2022 9:33 AM


Re: Warren
He is very well known, but still obscure to some people. Linda Ronstadt recorded a number of his songs. Hasten Down the Wind is probably the most notable.

A good album to get a good taste of his earlier stuff is Bad Luck Streak in Dancing School.
Stand in the Fire is a great live album.


What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence. -Christopher Hitchens

Facts don't lie or have an agenda. Facts are just facts

"God did it" is not an argument. It is an excuse for intellectual laziness.

If your viewpoint has merits and facts to back it up why would you have to lie?


This message is a reply to:
 Message 11 by Percy, posted 03-27-2022 9:33 AM Percy has seen this message but not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 15 by Tanypteryx, posted 03-27-2022 2:54 PM Theodoric has not replied

  
Tangle
Member
Posts: 8579
From: UK
Joined: 10-07-2011
Member Rating: 2.9


(6)
Message 13 of 42 (893112)
03-27-2022 12:01 PM


I am the very model of a Russian Major General
My standing in the battlefield is growing quite untenable
My forces, though equipped and given orders unequivocal
Did not expect the fight to be remotely this reciprocal

I used to have a tank brigade but now I have lost several
My fresh assaults are faltering with battleplans extemporal
I can't recover vehicles but farmers in a tractor can
It's all becoming rather reminiscent of Afghanistan

My ordnance is the best but only half my missiles make it there
I would have thought by now that we would be controllers of the air
But at the rate the snipers work my time here is ephemeral
I am the very model of a Russian Major General

Courtesy, Gilbert and Sullivan adapted by some Twitter guy


Je suis Charlie. Je suis Ahmed. Je suis Juif. Je suis Parisien. I am Mancunian. I am Brum. I am London. Olen Suomi Soy Barcelona. I am Ukraine.

"Science adjusts it's views based on what's observed.
Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved."
- Tim Minchin, in his beat poem, Storm.


Replies to this message:
 Message 14 by vimesey, posted 03-27-2022 2:13 PM Tangle has not replied

  
vimesey
Member
Posts: 1330
From: Birmingham, England
Joined: 09-21-2011
Member Rating: 4.8


Message 14 of 42 (893118)
03-27-2022 2:13 PM
Reply to: Message 13 by Tangle
03-27-2022 12:01 PM


Genius ! :-)

Could there be any greater conceit, than for someone to believe that the universe has to be simple enough for them to be able to understand it ?

This message is a reply to:
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Tanypteryx
Member
Posts: 3433
From: Oregon, USA
Joined: 08-27-2006
Member Rating: 4.1


Message 15 of 42 (893121)
03-27-2022 2:54 PM
Reply to: Message 12 by Theodoric
03-27-2022 10:31 AM


Re: Warren
He is very well known, but still obscure to some people.

I had never heard of Warren Zevon, but I never knew the names of the members of most of the classic rock bands I still listen to, either.


What if Eleanor Roosevelt had wings? -- Monty Python

One important characteristic of a theory is that is has survived repeated attempts to falsify it. Contrary to your understanding, all available evidence confirms it. --Subbie

If evolution is shown to be false, it will be at the hands of things that are true, not made up. --percy

The reason that we have the scientific method is because common sense isn't reliable. -- Taq


This message is a reply to:
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