satire in song, sorry Warren...

i need some help fixing this up:

Yo ho ho in a Florida dump
Hoist your golf club, here is Trump
Making room at Mar-a-lago for Vladimir
You're his witness
Trump's your Putineer

Mein Kampf stands on his own night table
He's commending Hitler when he's able
Says he always admires Vladimir
You're his witness
Trump's your Putineer

Long ago we laughed at his eyes
But voters voted and he began the Lies
Who'd have thought we'd ever wind up here
You're his witness
Trump's your Putineer

So now he's running to rock the boat
Some may sink but we still can vote
Grab your coat, let's mark our ballot here
You're his witness
Trump's your Putineer
You're his witness
Trump's your Putineer
Trump's your Putineer

ok, some adjustments:

Yo ho ho! from a Florida dump
Hoist your golf club, here is Trump
Reserving Mar-a-lago for Vladimir
While we all witness
Trump's our Putineer

Mein Kampf stands on his own night table
He's praising Hitler when he's able
Says he always admires Vladimir
And we all witness
Trump's our Putineer

Long ago we laughed up in his eyes
But voters voted and he began the Lies
Who'd have thought we'd ever wind up here
As we all witness
Trump's our Putineer

So now he's running to rock the boat
Some may sink but we still can vote
Grab your coat, let's mark our ballot here
As we all witness
Trump's our Putineer
As we all witness
Trump's our Putineer
Trump's our Putineer

Putin it in, I see! So what song accompanies the lyrics?

Edited by Phat, : No reason given.

I'm not sure what tune it's supposed to go with, so it's difficult for me to judge it's "flow" (not that I'm any sort of expert at that anyway...)

But I suggest keeping an eye on your syllable-count.
When certain lines should be "about the same" in whatever-tune-you're-carrying... if the syllable-count is too far off, then it's just not going to "flow."

I'm trying to say something like this:

My letters "A," "B," and "C" represent the same lines in your verses.
Each A should have a similar syllable count, as well with each B and each C - otherwise using the same tune (whatever it is) for each verse isn't going to "flow."

A - Yo ho ho! from a Florida dump
B - Hoist your golf club, here is Trump
C - Reserving Mar-a-lago for Vladimir

A - Mein Kampf stands on his own night table
B - He's praising Hitler when he's able
C - Says he always admires Vladimir

A - Long ago we laughed up in his eyes
B - But voters voted and he began the Lies
C - Who'd have thought we'd ever wind up here

A - So now he's running to rock the boat
B - Some may sink but we still can vote
C - Grab your coat, let's mark our ballot here

And here are your syllable counts:

A: 9; 9; 9; 9
B: 7; 9; 11; 8
C: 11; 10; 9; 9

So, from this I'm guessing:

The first line of each verse always seems to flow well.
The second line seems really varied in each verse - flow is difficult here.
The third line is strange in the first verse, but fairly smooth for the next 3 verses.

A "perfect poem" would have all the same syllables (kind of like a limerick's restrictions...)

A: 9; 9; 9; 9
B: 9; 9; 9; 9
C: 9; 9; 9; 9

But it also has to fit your tune.
It's much more important for "All A's" and "All B's" and "All C's" to have the same number of syllables than it is for A to match B and/or C. In fact, there are many who would say your song/poem is "boring" if A matches B and C.
So, there's nothing wrong with something like:

A: 9; 9; 9; 9
B: 10; 10; 10; 10
C: 9; 9; 9; 9

Or even if one line in one verse doesn't "fit in" perfectly - it likely won't matter.
But if all verses have a different number of syllables for the same line - it's very difficult for the flow to come off smooth.

Don't take this advice too much to heart - I'm certainly no song or poem writer. It's just what sticks out to me, is all.
Good luck and have fun!

And since this has the advantages of being a visual medium the poet can use

spacing and

indent to

make a point.

Well, if there was,

if there was a point to be made. I wouldn't advise doing this without a reason; without some point to be communicated in doing so.

Without a good reason to do so

spacing can get

disjointed

unorganized

even sinister!

Boo, sinister!

Ok. I'll let you get back to your adult discussion now.

i cant believe EvC doesnt know of Warren Zevon's great song!

he played it on Dave Letterman's show right before he died:

Warren Zevon - Mutineer - His Last David Letterman Show - Part 2/4 (HD)

Enjoy every sandwich!

even Bob Dylan covered it after Warren died:

Bob Dylan - Mutineer - Warren Zevon Cover Kingston RI 11/20/2002 STELLAR AUDIO!!

many have.

xongsmith writes: i cant believe EvC doesnt know of Warren Zevon's great song!

As soon as you said "Warren", I was thinking of Warren Zevon. I was a big fan but back in the "Werewolves of London" and "Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner" days.

I never heard of "Mutineer". I may be missing some good stuff since I ignore almost all of the crap that poses as "music" these days. (I may be getting old.)

I guess you're not a fan of Justin ?, there are two of them aren't there? Timberlake and Baib, Beirbe, Beeper, what'is name.

Is there a difference?

No. No. I've heard biever beeper before and I don't really want to know.

All I know is the "Dead" their not. And the other one doesn't sound very pink to me either.

Edited by AZPaul3, : No reason given.

His last album, recorded while he was dying, is fantastic.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wind_(Warren_Zevon_album)

Never heard of Warren Zevon. That's really him singing in the YouTube video? Sounds like Bob Dylan to me, so I would have assumed anything I heard on the radio by him was Dylan.

Looking him up on Wikipedia I must have heard a lot of stuff he either did or was directly involved with or wrote, I just never heard his name.

--Percy

He is very well known, but still obscure to some people. Linda Ronstadt recorded a number of his songs. Hasten Down the Wind is probably the most notable.

A good album to get a good taste of his earlier stuff is Bad Luck Streak in Dancing School.
Stand in the Fire is a great live album.

I am the very model of a Russian Major General
My standing in the battlefield is growing quite untenable
My forces, though equipped and given orders unequivocal
Did not expect the fight to be remotely this reciprocal

I used to have a tank brigade but now I have lost several
My fresh assaults are faltering with battleplans extemporal
I can't recover vehicles but farmers in a tractor can
It's all becoming rather reminiscent of Afghanistan

My ordnance is the best but only half my missiles make it there
I would have thought by now that we would be controllers of the air
But at the rate the snipers work my time here is ephemeral
I am the very model of a Russian Major General

Courtesy, Gilbert and Sullivan adapted by some Twitter guy

Genius ! :-)

He is very well known, but still obscure to some people.

I had never heard of Warren Zevon, but I never knew the names of the members of most of the classic rock bands I still listen to, either.