Humour VIII

And just for the purposes of rigorous scientific enquiry, I did the other thing too. That might have been a mistake but maybe someone would like to try to replicate our findings.

Well it is well known that ANYONE can poo their pants.Reminds me of the best restroom graffiti ever."Anyone can piss on the floor be a real man and shit on the ceiling."

You might need this.

An excellent grafitto, yes - but I say it is beaten by one on a condom dispenser in a truck stop in Buffalo, Texas: "Tarp your load!"

OK, now I can share this one.On the local NPR radio station, at 7PM "All Things Considered" is followed by "Which Way, L.A.?". Tuesday, they were covering a new health ordinance that required the wearing of sterile latex gloves when preparing raw edible food, but the way it was written it also requires the food preparer to don a new pair of gloves for each plate. So if you're preparing 100 plates, you'd have to take off the gloves and put on a fresh pair before moving on to the next plate, which means you had to do that 100 times. For many reasons, food preparers and restauranteurs are protesting the ordinance.One restauranteur who also works in the kitchen, a woman (restaurantess?), was being interviewed for the program. After describing the impracticalities of the ordinance and the waste and the breaking of the preparer's concentration, etc, she went on to describe how handling food is a sensual experience and how the feel of the food communicates a lot of information to her regarding the amount of seasoning, etc -- having worked in carpentry where we relied a lot on the feel of the wood, I understand what she's saying.But there was just something about the way that she said that when she has to wear gloves (AKA "protection"), she doesn't like it because it doesn't feel the same, that made me retort, "Well! Now you know how we guys feel!"Edited by dwise1, : "-esse" vs "-ess". For some reason, I had shifted to French mode.Edited by dwise1, : "she doesn't like it because"

Restauranteuse.

THE SHOEBOXA man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000.He asked her about the contents.
'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two Precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two Times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with Happiness.'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?''Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'A Prayer
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death,
Because I don't have the freaking time to crochet.

Edited by dronester, : (Why do my links always disappear, and then I have to re-upload new ones?)

poor Christians always persecuted

Little-known factoids:Circumcision originated as an early step in equality for women - because men had foreskins and women only had one.It was soon discovered that you could remove foreskins instead of three and still have one left, which led to the invention of creative accounting.On a similar note, we have forefathers but only one mother. However, no way has been found to remove forefathers, or even three.

It would have been even more funny if it was real Him being smashed cut, and dead

mellowkeep a couple on hand ... Edited by RAZD, : img