What is life?

Life is a collection of chemicals that, given the right environmental conditions, can promote their own synthesis through surface catalysis.---Yes, I know, but it's the best I can do.

It would include viruses, but I'm happy with that.What would it exclude that you'd like to include?

I was trying to exclude, for example, the way that water is required to catalyze the reaction of hydrogen and oxygen in the presence of a spark, which makes more water but which we would wish to exclude from the definition of life. I forget what that's called, but it's called something else.Is anyone round here a chemist? Why? I am male, and the chemicals of which I am constituted do indeed catalyze their own synthesis.

He must be referring to this. Similar though not always identical definitions can be found in biology textbooks. I don't agree with it, but it's not completely off the wall, it's in many ways a quite reasonable way of tackling the question.