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Author | Topic: humor II | |||||||||||||||||||
Archer Opteryx Member (Idle past 3918 days) Posts: 1811 From: East Asia Joined: |
milihelen (noun)
The amount of beauty required to launch one ship. Archer All species are transitional.
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subbie Member (Idle past 1575 days) Posts: 3509 Joined: |
The New Yorker
Those who would sacrifice an essential liberty for a temporary security will lose both, and deserve neither. -- Benjamin Franklin |
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anglagard Member (Idle past 1157 days) Posts: 2339 From: Socorro, New Mexico USA Joined: |
I was trying to explain what the postmodernist philosophy concept of deconstructionism meant to Beatle_Addict and she replied:
"So I broke my TV and I'm not any smarter" I think she refuted Derrida in one sentence.
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Phat Member Posts: 18712 From: Denver,Colorado USA Joined: Member Rating: 4.2 |
Im gonna look this stuff up. It must be funny....otherwise im breaking MY TV!
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Cthulhu Member (Idle past 6172 days) Posts: 273 From: Roe Dyelin Joined: |
I found something that I found extremely amusing, but somehow I doubt that I'd be allowed to link to The Passion of the Christ set to Yakety Sax.
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berberry Inactive Member |
Soap was one of my favorite shows in the late '70s, and I still think it was one of the most clever sitcoms ever conceived. It was abruptly cancelled after four seasons due to complaints from people who were offended by scenes like this one, wherein four of the main female characters discuss sex as they devour an apple cake. It might seem tame in terms of content, but the humor hasn't lost one bit of its currency. This is absolutely hilarious!
W.W.E.D.?
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Wounded King Member (Idle past 353 days) Posts: 4149 From: Cincinnati, Ohio, USA Joined: |
That was fun, thanks.
I especially like 'in another room.' TTFN, WK
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Dr Adequate Member Posts: 16113 Joined: |
Ballad Of Complete Astonishment
It shook me like a thunderbolt;it shocked me to the very core. I felt my mind and frame revolt, and fell, half-fainting, to the floor; and there, in prayer and sorrow bent I whispered one word only --- "Kent!" He told me of a talking snake,of magic fruit on magic trees, how half of science is a fake, and other certain facts like these. Words cannot speak of my surprise to learn that such a man tells lies. He told me how, disdaining bloodbefore the Fall, the carnivores cropped grass, and of a magic flood, how Noah saved the dinosaurs; he proved, with math, the Earth was youthful; who'd guess he'd ever be untruthful? Explain this riddle if you will:he spoke of dragons breathing fire and how they live among us still --- is that the action of a liar? --- the kind of person who'd regale the taxman with a fairy tale? Sin, Hovind said, made God quite vexedin Eden, where the magic trees are, But Genesis was all his text, neglecting "Render unto Caesar". Seems all the Bible Hovind knew was chapter one and chapter two. That faithful servant of the Lord,that meek, that humble, honest guy, the last man you'd suspect of fraud, was one, I thought, who couldn't lie. But written on the wall, I guess, is "Tekel, Upharsin --- IRS".
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Coragyps Member (Idle past 1055 days) Posts: 5553 From: Snyder, Texas, USA Joined: |
Doc - I stand in awe and wonderment......
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jar Member (Idle past 159 days) Posts: 34140 From: Texas!! Joined: |
DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows.Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you. REPUBLICAN You have two cows.Your neighbor has none. So? SOCIALIST You have two cows.The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. COMMUNIST You have two cows.The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows.You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows.Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and pour the milk down the drain. AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows.You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows.You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good. JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows.You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Both are at the top of their class at cow school. GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows.You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don't know where they are.While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good. RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows.You have some vodka. You count them and find you actually have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you actually have. TALIBAN CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which is two.You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons. IRAQI CORPORATION You have two cows.They go into hiding. They send tapes of their moo-ing. POLISH CORPORATION You have two bulls.Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them. BELGIAN CORPORATION You have one cow.The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy. FLORIDA CORPORATION You have a black cow and a brown cow.Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow. CALIFORNIA CORPORATION You have millions of cows.They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders. Aslan is not a Tame Lion
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RAZD Member (Idle past 1725 days) Posts: 20714 From: the other end of the sidewalk Joined: |
ok
I'm cowed.
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berberry Inactive Member |
Grabbed this from another message board and just had to share it:
Now here's my caption: Choose the winning pair, and you walk away with ten thousand dollars and a chance at our Price Is Right Showcase! Choose the wrong pair, and you get blown up by an IED. Okay, GO! Edited by AdminJar, : No reason given. W.W.E.D.?
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subbie Member (Idle past 1575 days) Posts: 3509 Joined: |
Which of these items are the only two allowed past a TSA security checkpoint at an airport?
Those who would sacrifice an essential liberty for a temporary security will lose both, and deserve neither. -- Benjamin Franklin
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Archer Opteryx Member (Idle past 3918 days) Posts: 1811 From: East Asia Joined: |
So which two are hiding the WMDs?
_ Edited by Archer Opterix, : reboot. Edited by Archer Opterix, : re-reboot. Archer All species are transitional.
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Chiroptera Inactive Member |
The latest This Modern World:
Second to the last panel:
"They [the Republicans] alienated our allies and embroiled us in a futile war -- and now it turns out they're demons from the blackest depths of Hell!" "On the other hand, Democrats support gay marriage." "Better mark us as 'undecided.'" Fortunately that didn't happen this election.
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