humor II

From slate.com:

You mean crank.net? I love crank.net endlessly. See if you can find the EvC alumni listed on it!

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"We had survived to turn on the History Channel
And ask our esteemed panel, Why are we alive? And here's how they replied:
You're what happens when two substances collide
And by all accounts you really should have died."
-Andrew Bird

Do we really need a forum for that? Salty, Peter Borger, Syamasu, that lunatic with the perpetual motion thingy, you... It looks like we used to have a bunch of them around for giggles in the main forums. At least until Percy lost his sense of humor.

SourceMoose

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Professor, geology, Whatsamatta U
Evolution - Changes in the environment, caused by the interactions of the components of the environment. "Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer." - Bruce Graham

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"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness." - John Kenneth Galbraith

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"I know a little about a lot of things, and a lot about a few things, but I'm highly ignorant about everything." - Moose

This is funny! add by edit: Now that I read it, Im not so sure....I'll keep searching for some real humor, though!This message has been edited by Phat, 04-25-2006 07:39 AM

Person 1: What's the integral of 1 over cabin?
Person 2: A log cabin!
Person 1: No, it's a houseboat! You forgot the C!Ba-dum-tsh

An eccentric billionaire who lived on the seacoast of California had his own huge aquarium rivaling the size of Sea World. This big aquarium was built in the middle of his even bigger game preserve which contained nothing but large African predatory land animals. This guy firmly believed that if one fed nothing but the aquatic birds which he captured on his beach to his aquatic mammals, the aquatic mammals would live forever. During one feeding he was carrying a bucket of aquatic birds while he was climbing the stairs to one of his huge tanks which held some of his aquatic mammals, he encountered a large African predator lying sound asleep on one of the stairs right in the middle of the stairway....he very silently and carefully stepped over the animal, and continued on his way to the top of the tank. When he got to the top of the tank he dumped the aquatic birds into the water, and that's when three FBI agents rushed up the stairs and arrested him!
Do you know what the charge was???? (Answer below)
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He was arrested for violation of the Mann Act: Taking gulls over a staid lion for immortal porpoises

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Aslan is not a Tame Lion

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an
hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, grabs
his drink, and gulps it down in one swig. The poor little guy starts crying."Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," says the truck driver
"I'll buy you another drink; I just can't stand to see a man crying.""This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs. "I can't
do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my
boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and
I have no insurance. I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered
my wallet was still in the cab. At home I found my wife in bed with the gardener.
So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my miserable
life. Then you show up and drink the damn poison."

A man runs into a bar, slams his fists down on the counter, and says, "line me up seventy-five shots of whiskey, now!"The bartender does it, and the man downs them all, one after the other. The bartender lets out a slow whistle, and says, "I've never seen anyone drink like that!"The man responds, "You'd drink like that too, if you'd got what I've got."The bartender leans in close and somber, and whispers, "What have you got?"The man leans in close and whispers, "Twenty-five cents."

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"We had survived to turn on the History Channel
And ask our esteemed panel, Why are we alive? And here's how they replied:
You're what happens when two substances collide
And by all accounts you really should have died."
-Andrew Bird

Brian Unger is guest-hosting MSNBC's Countdown tonight, and he ran a piece of this in a story about the recent revival of protest songs. It's about the funniest parody I've seen in a long time, check it out!Unger is a gem. I absolutely love him. I think he's a permanent guest host on the show now and Olbermann couldn't possibly have a better backup. You'll get another chance to watch the show at midnight ET or after the Imus show at 9am ET tomorrow.

A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. Another man comes by in a boat and says "get in, get in!" The religious man replies, “No I have faith in God, He will grant me a miracle."Later, the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the driver tells him to get in. He responds that he has faith in God and God will save him.With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in, mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for help for the faith of God. He finally drowns and arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith.The man says to St. Peter, “I thought God would grant me a miracle, I was faithful to the end, but God let me down." St. Peter chuckles and responds, "I don't know what you're complaining about, we sent you two boats and a helicopter."

I think the bird on NPR
Page not found - Science Friday
, that says that agriculture is not the solution to our gas problem leaves
reporduction to become a bigger problem as humans run out of energy, has "three" 'thumbs.'

"Green is one of my favourite colours" announced my eldest (5) a couple of hours ago."Oh really" I replied "and how many favourite colours have you got?""Well, red is my favourite, then black then blue then yellow then orange then purple then green......so green is my seventh favourite colour"Nothing like a positive outlook on life

coloring the duck's thumb(partII) Back of Alan Benton's book "Birding Through Life" (he graduated from Cornell) Willard F. Stanley, my grandfather From "The indoor Bird Watcher's Manual" on th back cover it said, "This delightful handbook will surprise the hell out of many a bird lover." From Duell, Sloan and Pearce, INC, NY,NY 1950 page from Benton's book refering to my grandfather.

A Sunday School teacher asked her class to draw a picture of their favourite Bible story. Later, when she collected them, she was intrigued by one depicting an airplane with three people in it.She asked, "What Bible story does this represent?"The child pointed at the man and woman in the back of the plane and said, "That's Adam and Eve flying from the Garden of Eden.""I see," the teacher said. "And who is the other fellow?"The child answered matter-of-factly, "That's Pontius, the Pilot."

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