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Author | Topic: The Return of Humor | |||||||||||||||||||
coffee_addict Member (Idle past 508 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
Trust me, I have seen racism face to face and I have been a victim of it. Yes, some jokes are used for the purpose of lowering others because of their ethnic background. However, and you can trust me on this, I haven't seen any of that on here.
The Laminator For goodness's sake, please vote Democrat this November!
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coffee_addict Member (Idle past 508 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
I think Betta was a little before my time (don't know her at all). I do miss Desdamona, however. Never before had I seen such... actually, I don't think there is a word to describe her condition. The closest word I can think of right now is "crackpot".
The Laminator For goodness's sake, please vote Democrat this November!
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coffee_addict Member (Idle past 508 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
I deleted an email yesterday. Now, I really regreted about not saving it.
I got an email from a lesbian couple who wanted to find a sperm donor because they wanted to have a baby. My roommate and I couldn't stop laughing after we read the email. The Laminator We are the bog. Resistance is voltage over current.
For goodness's sake, please vote Democrat this November!
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coffee_addict Member (Idle past 508 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
Here is one that I think is absolutely great!
Replying to an invitation to the Scientist's Ball: Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm. Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend. Volta was electrified and Archimedes, buoyant at the thought of it. Ampere was worried he wasn't up to current research. Ohm resisted the idea at first. Boyle said he was under too much pressure. Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience. Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam. Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco. Freud asked: "Can I come with my mother?" Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight. Dr Jekyll declined - he hadn't been feeling himself lately. Morse's reply: I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash. Heisenberg was uncertain if he could make it. Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency. Henry begged off due to a low capacity for alcohol. Audubon said he'd have to wing it. Hawking said he'd try to string enough time together to make a space in his schedule. Darwin said he'd have to see what evolved. Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he? Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out. Descartes said he'd think about it. Newton was moved to attend. Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality. And Pavlov? Pavlov was just drooling at the thought. The Laminator We are the bog. Resistance is voltage over current.
For goodness's sake, please vote Democrat this November!
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coffee_addict Member (Idle past 508 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
Why thin, flat things rise and glide on the way down: physicists finally solve the falling-paper problem!
http://www.physorg.com/news1630.html He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged. The longest word in the English language is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
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coffee_addict Member (Idle past 508 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and still heavily sedated from a four hour operation. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet. - "Nurse,"- he mumbles from behind the mask, -"are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, -"I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet." He struggles again to ask, -"Nurse, Are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look and says, -"There's nothing wrong with them!" The man slowly removes his oxygen mask and says very slowly, -"That was very nice but listen very, very closely - are.... my... test...results...back?
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coffee_addict Member (Idle past 508 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
40 Classic Bushisms and Gaffes
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coffee_addict Member (Idle past 508 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
One day while an elderly woman is at the doctor's office for her usual checkup, the doctor writes for her a prescription and tells her, "I'm afraid you're going to have to take these for the rest of your life."
Later that day, the elderly woman gets the prescription from the drug store. Immediately after she's read the label, she faints. The label says "No refill."
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coffee_addict Member (Idle past 508 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
I really have to ask. Is that you in the avatar?
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coffee_addict Member (Idle past 508 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
schraf writes:
I actually agree with this. Having to choose between the guy with a forced smile, which indicates that he is holding a knife behind his back, and a guy that has a sweet gayish smile, which indicates that he is planning something evil but you know for sure it won't be violent, I'd rather pick the second guy.
I think Rrhain's avatar is WAY more frightening than yours.
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coffee_addict Member (Idle past 508 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
Listen to Who's On First.
Or Watch a video clip of Who's on First. Here is a version of Who's on First for the next generation.
quote: This message has been edited by Jacen, 02-01-2005 22:56 AM
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coffee_addict Member (Idle past 508 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
I wish.
I got that in an email.
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coffee_addict Member (Idle past 508 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
You'd think that she'd check out her facts first before making such statements on tv.
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coffee_addict Member (Idle past 508 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
Site Disabled - FreeServers
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coffee_addict Member (Idle past 508 days) Posts: 3645 From: Indianapolis, IN Joined: |
I had just finished visiting a friend in the hospital and stopped by a burger drive-through for lunch to eat on the way back to work. I ordered the #1 combo (burger, fry, coke) for $4.29.
She said "that'll be $4.83, please drive forward." "$4.83? For a $4.29 meal? That's 54 cents tax! That can't be right," my mind raced. Tax is 8 cents on the dollar in Huntsville and for 4 dollars that would be 32 cents plus 1/3 (29) of 8 cents would be 35 cents max. I'd heard of window workers overcharging drive through customers and skimming the money for themselves. Someone did just that to me at a Hardees couple of years ago. I didn't have my calculator watch (I lost it a while back) so I got a pen and paper and did the long division since there were 2 cars ahead of me. Let's see ... 483/429 ... over 12 percent tax! When I got to the window I handed her a 5 and said "what's the sales tax in Huntsville?" She didn't know. I said "$4.83 for a $4.29 meal is 12 percent tax. That can't be right. Can I talk to the manager?" She gave me my change and called the manager. So the manager comes over. I ask what the sales tax is in Huntsville, and she says 8 percent. I say that I just paid $4.83 for a $4.29 meal and that's over 12 percent sales tax. She got a funny look on her face and said that maybe the computer had rung it up wrong or had charged me for the biggie size. (biggie upgrade was 35 cents - which would be 4.64 plus tax which would put it over $5). She admitted it was supposed to be 4.63, and opened the drawer to give me my extra change. "HA!" I thought to myself. "Six years engineering school has so heightened my mental mathematical adeptness that I can do percentages in my head and my superior intellect has foiled a feeble attempt by a drive-through worker to overcharge me." I took the twenty cents she handed me, proud of my staggering genius, and smugly drove off without my food.
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