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Author Topic:   The Return of Humor
jar
Member (Idle past 395 days)
Posts: 34026
From: Texas!!
Joined: 04-20-2004


Message 166 of 302 (178422)
01-19-2005 12:59 AM
Reply to: Message 165 by berberry
01-19-2005 12:48 AM


Re: The Weather
And folk say that NPR isn't worth the money.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 165 by berberry, posted 01-19-2005 12:48 AM berberry has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 167 by berberry, posted 01-19-2005 1:23 AM jar has not replied

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 167 of 302 (178428)
01-19-2005 1:23 AM
Reply to: Message 166 by jar
01-19-2005 12:59 AM


Re: The Weather
It reminds me of a weatherman at WJTV in Jackson when I was growing up. His name was Bob Neblett and from time to time he'd come on the air stumbling drunk. He'd get fired but people would write in by the thousands begging that he be brought back. The newspapers would sometimes run columns about him. Sooner or later he'd be back on the air, same time same station. I guess he kept the ratings up.
I remember one night when a tornado warning had been issued for Attala County. The storm was headed toward the town of Kosciusko (a Native-American name pronounced ks-sko). Neblett could not for the life of him pronounce that name. He kept trying for more than a minute and finally gave up, giving the location as "this town rite here about 30 miles up from Carthage - it starts with a 'K'.

Keep America Safe AND Free!

This message is a reply to:
 Message 166 by jar, posted 01-19-2005 12:59 AM jar has not replied

Rand Al'Thor
Inactive Member


Message 168 of 302 (178452)
01-19-2005 3:35 AM


H4x0r
Anyone that has ever played any online FPS will get a kick outa this:

jar
Member (Idle past 395 days)
Posts: 34026
From: Texas!!
Joined: 04-20-2004


Message 169 of 302 (179029)
01-20-2005 5:59 PM


Blind Pilots
Two men dressed in Pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up.
The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming, not even from the mechanic named Steve.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.
At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.
In the cockpit, Ron turns and says, "You know, Yohan, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."

Aslan is not a Tame Lion

Brian
Member (Idle past 4960 days)
Posts: 4659
From: Scotland
Joined: 10-22-2002


Message 170 of 302 (179779)
01-22-2005 8:18 PM


How do you get rid of a trumpet that is buried in your garden?
ROOT IT OOT

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 171 of 302 (179842)
01-23-2005 2:15 AM


Brad & Jen

Keep America Safe AND Free!

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 172 of 302 (179952)
01-23-2005 2:12 PM


Johnny Carson dies
One of my all-time favorite humorists. Celebrity deaths usually don't affect me much but this one is different. I was a huge fan of Johnny. I used to stay up late against my parents' wishes in order to watch The Tonight Show. For some reason, his death has affected me.
MSNBC is providing excellent coverage of this right now.

Keep America Safe AND Free!

coffee_addict
Member (Idle past 478 days)
Posts: 3645
From: Indianapolis, IN
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 173 of 302 (180086)
01-24-2005 12:58 AM


One day while an elderly woman is at the doctor's office for her usual checkup, the doctor writes for her a prescription and tells her, "I'm afraid you're going to have to take these for the rest of your life."
Later that day, the elderly woman gets the prescription from the drug store. Immediately after she's read the label, she faints. The label says "No refill."

Silent H
Member (Idle past 5820 days)
Posts: 7405
From: satellite of love
Joined: 12-11-2002


Message 174 of 302 (180392)
01-25-2005 5:35 AM


from broads to bagels
Sometimes real life can be better than fiction. Yahoo ran a Reuters article on the rags to riches to rags back to something less than riches story of Al Goldstein, the former porn king of New York.
As disturbing as the article is in its very slanted storytelling, it still gave me a laugh as it championed the rise back to power of Al because he is now selling something other than porn... bagels.
He spent a lifetime peddling smut and once had an $11 million fortune, but after losing everything and becoming just another homeless New Yorker, Al Goldstein is now happy pushing bagels instead of porn.
Goldstein, a founding father of America's porn industry, now hustles bagels and white fish at a New York-based deli and catering establishment.
"I've always loved food more than sex, so this is really my first love," said Goldstein, 69, now a cold-calling salesman for New York City Bagels. "I've gone from broads to bagels."
What a charmer. Would you buy a bagel from this man?
The funny part to me was that in a freudian sense he hasn't really changed markets at all. He said it himself, from broads to bagels.

holmes
"...what a fool believes he sees, no wise man has the power to reason away.."(D. Bros)
"...don't believe I'm taken in by stories I have heard, I just read the Daily News and swear by every word.."(Steely Dan)

Replies to this message:
 Message 177 by coffee_addict, posted 01-26-2005 3:27 PM Silent H has replied

jar
Member (Idle past 395 days)
Posts: 34026
From: Texas!!
Joined: 04-20-2004


Message 175 of 302 (180405)
01-25-2005 8:50 AM


The ostrich
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders.
The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "what's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man, "same for me," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

Aslan is not a Tame Lion

Replies to this message:
 Message 198 by lfen, posted 01-29-2005 9:24 PM jar has not replied

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 176 of 302 (180841)
01-26-2005 2:08 PM


Budweiser Super Bowl Ad: Wardrobe Malfunction
I thought it was funny, but according to this AP report it won't be going on the air.

Keep America Safe AND Free!

coffee_addict
Member (Idle past 478 days)
Posts: 3645
From: Indianapolis, IN
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 177 of 302 (180859)
01-26-2005 3:27 PM
Reply to: Message 174 by Silent H
01-25-2005 5:35 AM


Re: from broads to bagels
I really have to ask. Is that you in the avatar?

This message is a reply to:
 Message 174 by Silent H, posted 01-25-2005 5:35 AM Silent H has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 178 by Silent H, posted 01-26-2005 5:07 PM coffee_addict has not replied

Silent H
Member (Idle past 5820 days)
Posts: 7405
From: satellite of love
Joined: 12-11-2002


Message 178 of 302 (180896)
01-26-2005 5:07 PM
Reply to: Message 177 by coffee_addict
01-26-2005 3:27 PM


Re: from broads to bagels
Is that you in the avatar?
Hmmm, maybe I should make a short subject thread. The short answer is yes, but and the long answer is no, with an explanation.
I played a game that used character portraits. I then used an image of myself to create some character portraits. This is one of the first experimental portraits. While there are some differences, it is pretty much me.
Thus it is not supposed to be me, however in reality it is just a picture of me kind of dressed up and with some digital effects around me (and on me to look "painted" or "drawn" rather than photographed).
Coragryps said it looked frightening. Do I hear a second on that?

holmes
"...what a fool believes he sees, no wise man has the power to reason away.."(D. Bros)
"...don't believe I'm taken in by stories I have heard, I just read the Daily News and swear by every word.."(Steely Dan)

This message is a reply to:
 Message 177 by coffee_addict, posted 01-26-2005 3:27 PM coffee_addict has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 179 by MangyTiger, posted 01-26-2005 5:41 PM Silent H has replied
 Message 180 by nator, posted 01-26-2005 6:05 PM Silent H has replied

MangyTiger
Member (Idle past 6354 days)
Posts: 989
From: Leicester, UK
Joined: 07-30-2004


Message 179 of 302 (180915)
01-26-2005 5:41 PM
Reply to: Message 178 by Silent H
01-26-2005 5:07 PM


Re: from broads to bagels
Coragryps said it looked frightening. Do I hear a second on that?
Not frightening. I've been trying to place what your avatar reminds me of - I'm currently leaning towards a camp Errol Flynn.

Confused ? You will be...

This message is a reply to:
 Message 178 by Silent H, posted 01-26-2005 5:07 PM Silent H has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 181 by Silent H, posted 01-27-2005 4:36 AM MangyTiger has not replied

nator
Member (Idle past 2170 days)
Posts: 12961
From: Ann Arbor
Joined: 12-09-2001


Message 180 of 302 (180925)
01-26-2005 6:05 PM
Reply to: Message 178 by Silent H
01-26-2005 5:07 PM


Re: from broads to bagels
Do I recognize you from the character images for Bauldur's Gate. A Bard, maybe?
Anyway, I think the picture is...groovy, if you know what I mean.
The hair is tripping me up, honestly.
And knowing your sexual attitudes, it is hilarious that you have your shirt unbuttoned and a gold chain around your neck.
"Hey, baby, what's your sign (wink, wink)?"

This message is a reply to:
 Message 178 by Silent H, posted 01-26-2005 5:07 PM Silent H has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 182 by Silent H, posted 01-27-2005 4:44 AM nator has replied

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