God has a sense of humor

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

---

Aslan is not a Tame Lion

Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never met the man before and is curious as to what he looks like, and whether or not Jesus looks like his mother or father, etc. He looks high and low but cannot find him.He asks St. Peter "Where is my father?" But St. Peter says he doesn't know.He asks the archangel Gabriel "Where is my father?" But Gabriel doesn't know.He asks John the Baptist "Where is my father?" But John does not know. So he wanders Heaven, impatiently searching.Suddenly he sees out of the mist an old man coming toward him. The man is very old, with white hair, stooped over a little. "Stop!" Jesus yells. "Who are you?""Oh, please help me, I am an old man in search of my son." Jesus is very curious. Could this be his father? "Tell me of your son, old man.""Oh, you would know him if you saw him. Holes in his hand where the nails used to be, he was nailed to a cross, you know...""Father!!!!!" Screams Jesus."Pinocchio!!!!!!!" yells the old man.

---

Aslan is not a Tame Lion

Two nuns were taking a stroll through the park at dusk when two men jumped them, ripped off their habits and proceeded to rape them. Sister Gregory, bruised and battered, looked up at the sky and said softly "Forgive him, Lord, for he knows not what he does." Sister Theresa looked over at her and said "Mine does."

---

Aslan is not a Tame Lion

God is talking to one of his angels.
He says, "Boy, I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth."
The angel says, "What are you going to do now?"
God says, "Call it a day."

---

Aslan is not a Tame Lion

A priest was going out to play golf one day and his caddy had to cancel. He talked the mother superior into helping him out. He was putting on the second hole and the shot went way past the hole. "Christ, I missed!!", declared the priest. The mother superior was shocked," I can't believe you said that, sir, you shouldn't say such things."The priest merely shrugged at her and moved on. On the tenth hole, he had a mere ten foot putt, which went way off. "Christ, I missed!!", the priest yelled again. "I really object to your language, sir, God will strike you down if you continue like that." The priest glowered at her for a moment, then moved on.Finally, on the 18th hole, the priest missed a short putt to the hole. " CHRIST, I MISSED!!!!" shrieked the priest. As The mother superior began to protest, dark clouds formed overhead and a bolt of lightning struck her, and she fell dead to the ground.After a few moments of silence a rumbling came from the sky, "Christ, I missed...."

---

Aslan is not a Tame Lion

WHAT!!!!!!!!!Now that really is funny.Look, it's fine to say you believe there was someone named Jesus, I know that I do. But let's not go overboard and into areas where you have NO evidence.

---

Aslan is not a Tame Lion

Actually, it refers to slime mold. Everything else was later.

---

Aslan is not a Tame Lion